Mosaic Broken Hearts -on hiatus-

Chapter 5

Early update because I felt like it :) I plan to update this every Saturday/Sunday, just btw. Also dedicated this chapter to one of the people who is commenting and voting for my story. Thank you for voting and commenting because you make my day when you do ;)

Enjoy...

Peeta's POV

Dear Peeta,

Do you know how hard it is to stare at a blank sheet of paper and know that you have to fill it? Well, I assume you must since you went to school. Anyway, it's hard because I know you're going to want to know how I'm doing, but it's going to he hard for me to get it out. I'm going to try as best as I can though, so just bear with me.

They've started my treatment, which includes therapy where I talk about how I feel and how I'm doing, and sessions with Dr. Aurelius where he makes sure I haven't tried anything. They make me talk about my past, which means the rebellion. They make me take these meds that I can't stand. I always get foggy after taking them. Dr. Aurelius said they're antidepressants, that they're supposed to make me feel better, but they make me feel sick.

I've done considerably well. I'm still not completely stable though. They say that even after I leave, I won't be completely stable. So really, I'm here for them to help me to learn how to be happy, then for them try to get me to be happy, but there's no guarantee that I won't ever be depressed again. They say it's likely that I'll relapse at some point, considering how bad it was at first.

I miss you. I realized quickly after you left that you kept me going. Because I knew you would be there if I broke down, or to help me talk through things. Here, they don't talk it through with me. I talk, they listen. But Dr. Aurelius talks through it with me. He asks me how I feel, if I'm considering suicide or anything related to that. Most times it's no, but a few times it's been yes. I think I would get better faster if you were here.

I hope you're doing okay. Tell Haymitch I say hi. I'll write back to you soon, when I have time and when they give me paper again.

- Katniss

I set the letter down on the table, and just stare at it. I rub my face, then sigh. It was a bad idea for her to go back there. I can tell already that she would get better quicker here than she would there.

I grab a blank piece of paper and a pencil and start writing her a letter back.

---

I dream that during the rebellion, Katniss and I's positions were switched, and she was the one who was hijacked. Waking up and not having her next to me made it worse. Then remembering that she was in the Capitol made me tremble out of fear of losing her.

I have to soothe myself with thoughts of her that I'm positive are real. Her sitting in the meadow with me, smiling. Her hunting. Her sleeping in my lap on the train. Me having to comfort her after a nightmare.

That's when something hits me. What does she do about her nightmares? Does anybody come and wake her up? Comfort her? Or do they let her scream herself awake and cry herself back to sleep, if she is calm enough to sleep? Or have her nightmares gotten better?

None of the thoughts leave me with a sense of peace. It's only been three weeks since she left, she said she got a little better, which calms me a bit, but I can't help but feel like she's been kidnapped.

I try to put myself in the position she was in during the rebellion. I try to imagine not knowing if I was alive, what would happen to her if I said something wrong against the Capitol. Then I imagine feeling the relief of getting her back, only to find out that she hated me. Surely I would lose it if Katniss hated me. But I would fight to get her back.