The Thoughts I Could Never Say

idk

Okay, so a month or two ago, my parents found about me cutting myself. At that point, i was almost a month clean. That didnt help anything. They screamed and called me stupid and selfish and my dad... he hit me and kept threatening to send mw to a psych ward...

now, im almost 3 months clean. He just stopped threatening the psych ward about a week or so ago. My mom was so stressed about it when she found out... so stressed that she devoloped ulcers.. But i still think about cutting and suicide everyday.

I would've started cutting again, I wouldve relapsed if I was so scared of my parents. They told me, if I ever needed to talk to someone, theyd get me a therapist, but I cant bring that up now... they think Im over it. They just started going back to normal.. i cant do that to them again... I cant go through that again..

About an hour ago, I heard my mom and Dad SCREAMING at each other... Ive never heard them fight in my life... my mom came into my room crying and shaking and breaking down.. I've never seen her so hurt... she just left... I hit the floor in tears...

Idk what Im supposed to do... I can't tell them I need help... But I NEED help... I want to cut.. I want to die.. Idk what Im supposed to do... please... someone... anyone... help me...