Hope. **EDITING**

Chapter 22

December 30th 2012

"So, you excited for tomorrow?" Harry asks as he comes walking into the kitchen where I am currently making some dinner.

"What's tomorrow?" I ask while cutting up some chicken to throw into my salad.

"Um hello? New year's eve? Last day before we start a whole new year together." He says matter of factly while walking over to me. He plucks a chicken strip from the salad and throws it in his mouth. "Plus I want to ask you something tomorrow."

I suddenly feel nauseous from the guilt of the secret his own mother and I are keeping from him.

"Jade are you okay? You look a little pale." Harry asks as he places the back of his hand on my forehead to check for a fever.

"Yeah I'm okay, just cold." I lie. "But what do you want to ask me, you can ask me now."

"I guess you'll just have to wait and see." He smirks as he exits the kitchen into the living room.

"Wait and see what?" I call after him hoping to be told what exactly I am waiting for. However the only response I get is the sound of music beginning to play.

"Harry don't do this. You know I hate surprises." I whine. When Harry doesn't answer I sigh in frustration as I grab the tongs and begin to toss the salad.

I grab two plates and divide the salad and chicken between the two. I'm about to call Harry when I jump as I feel two large arms wrap themselves around my waist. "Come dance with me."

"Okay." I say as I turn around to face Harry. The smile on his face disappears as I continue to talk. "When you tell me what you want to ask me."

"No. It's a surprise." Harry says sternly as he crosses his arms over his chest.

"Then I'm not going to dance with you." I reply while trying to return his glare, I have to try really hard though to hide the smile that's trying to form on my face. Normally I wouldn't be this impatient to find something but but I might not even be here tomorrow for him to tell me.

He grabs a hold of my hands and begins to move them around, forcing me to "dance" with him. Eventually I give in and we begin to dance around the kitchen to Stevie Wonder's "You are the sunshine of my life.'

Harry lifts our hands up and spins me around. I let out a giggle when he grabs on to my waist and dips me. After that we begin to just sway slowly. I lean my head on his chest, feeling the warmth radiating off to me. "I wish we could do this forever."

"We can." Harry replies. "I mean, why not? What's stopping us?"

I choose not to answer his questions, my only response being to shrug. We continue dancing for about ten minutes until the music stops, meaning the record has come to an end.

"Come on, let's eat." I say as I turn around to grab the two plates, passing one to him. He grabs it from me with a thanks as we make our way over to the small dining table.

"So." I beginning to talk but he cuts me off.

"I'm not telling you. Just wait and see." He rolls his eyes but by the light tone in his voice I can tell that he is joking.

"You're so difficult." I pout while bringing my fork full of lettuce to my lips.

"I'm difficult?" He laughs as he shakes his head, his loose curls flopping all over the place.

I squint my eyes at him as I continue to eat my salad. I'm hoping I can intimidate him into telling me. Obviously it doesn't work because he continues to keep a smile in his face as he eats the rest of his chicken caesar salad. Once he is done he gets up and makes his way into the living room. 

After I'm done eating I quickly wash the dishes before I make my way into the living room where Harry is watching some comedy TV show. I stand in the doorway for about ten minutes, partially watching the show, but mostly watching him. This could be my last night with him for awhile and I want to remember every moment of it. I watch his face as he stares at the screen in front of him. When he laughs I watch as small crinkles form in the corners of his eyes, his mouth slightly parts open and his dimples become super prominent in his cheeks, and lines from around his mouth. After watching him for a few minutes I make my way over to the closet that I know Harry stores extra blankets. I grab two large and fluffy blankets and a couple pillows before I make my way over to the living room again. I drop everything I'm carrying on the floor before I turn off the television. Before Harry can even say anything I tell him to put shoes and a warm coat on, myself doing the same thing, I then instruct him to follow me outside after I've grabbed the blankets and pillows. Once we are outside I lay one of the blankets down on his large porch, placing the pillows down on it afterwards.

"I want to watch the sunset with you." I say as I sit down, holding my hand out towards his. He sits down beside me and then grabs ahold of my hand to pull me closer to him so that we are cuddling.

"You're such a softy." He teases me as he places a light kiss on my cheek.

"Oh whatever, have you seen yourself." I laugh while snuggling in closer to him. When he notices I'm cold he grabs the other blanket and wraps it tightly around us.

"Honestly though Jade, have I ever told you how much I love you." He smiles beside me as we both stare up at the sky.

"And I love you Harry." As I say this I push all my thoughts about possibly hurting him and not seeing him for a while to the back of my mind. If this is my last night with him for maybe a couple weeks then I want to spend it well. We stay there watching the sunset. Watching as the sky changes from blue to pinks, purples, oranges and reds until all that's left of it is darkness and a few stars.

I haven't really thought about it much since a few days ago when Anne and I went to the police station, but sitting here with Harry has made me realize how scared I am. I'm scared to face Richard, I'm scared that if this doesn't work out for some reason I will have to live with him for the rest of my life, but mostly, I am terrified of losing Harry. I know he'll probably be upset that I didn't confide in him about any of this but I'm hoping that everything will be okay in the end. I honestly love Harry more than I have ever loved anyone in my life, I've opened up to him and shared parts of myself that made me vulnerable, I've done things with him that I have never done with anyone else, and to think that all of that could just disappear scares me. In a perfect world I would be married to Harry, living in a nice house with our kids, everything would be perfect. However, I'm not naive and I know that it will probably never happen.

"Hey do you want to go to bed?" Harry asks all of a sudden beside me. "You look tired is all."

"Yeah, maybe." I nod. Harry stands up extending his hand out towards me which I gratefully accept. We make our way into the bedroom and before Harry can say anything I turn him around, place a kiss on his lips and stretch to whisper in his ear. "Or not."

He smiles at me before placing a kiss on my lips. After a bit of kissing I begin to feel sick so we decide to go to sleep anyway.