My Brother's Girlfriend

Chapter Eighteen

In some strange consciousness of my mind, I knew where I was going. I was praying for Viper's safety as he wandered off in the opposite direction. I pictures my mother weeping, and Blake covering the tab. I tried to shrug life off, and then it hit me all at once. I understood the feeling now, and I knew why it was a fatal attraction concerning Cecilia. She was my brother's girlfriend, and I was in love with her. I sighed and ran my hands threw my hair as I walked down the small wooden steps leading to the beach. The same beach I cut my foot on. It was near empty around this part, and I wished there was someone. Some stranger who would just walk up and check to make sure everything would be okay. I checked the time on my phone and noticed a text and a few missed calsl. I slid the lock off and counted the number of times my mother called me versus the number of times Blake called me. I slid my text screen up and read the strange number off. I squinted at it to see if I had read it wrong and was in awe when I realized it was right. 

"HM." I grunted before slipping it opened finally. 

"Hey, this is Levi. The fag from the bar last night who dropped you off at home. I just wanted to check and make sure you're conscious and alive." I smiled and texted back almost immediately. 

"Thank you, I'm alive and well. Well, kinda' well. What are you doing?" I was feeling sorry for myself and pathetic that the only person I was able to get a hold of was a stranger, who might as well be a serial killer to my knowledge. 

"I'm home, why? Need a ride?" He joked.

"No, I need company. Someone with ears, and good advice. I hear gay guys are near perfect for that job."

"You've heard correctly," he shot back, "are you home?"

"No, I'm on the beach off of Beach Boulevard." 

"Give me ten." I waited as he'd asked, and almost thought about going to see Bella in the mean time. I decided I'd done enough damage to her and sighed. I laid back in the sand and groaned loud.

"Fuck my life-" I muttered, and footsteps crunched in the sand behind me.

"You know," his voice was vaugely familiar and I tried to commit it to memory now, "it's the cloudy days like these that give you the worst sunburns." 

"I wish it could burn me alive."

"You could use the color, you're pretty white." I smiled at him as he sat next to me in the sand. "So, what's eating you alive?"

"I'm gay." I said.

"I kinda' knew that." He joked and I shot him a look. 

"Wait, it gets worse."

"Oh joy." He was patient. 

"I'm in love with my brother's girlfriend." He winced and drew in a breath. 

"You're right, it does get worse."

"Wait, there's more." He waited and I mustered it, "My brother's been a void detached mess since my father left. He's filled the void with various varieties of women in his bed from time to time. I've noticed, but kept my mouth shut. He slept with this one girl, and I guess he really liked her. I assumed she'd be a one night stand, but it turned into two nights, then three nights, and now it's been two weeks."

"I'm not seeing the problem."

"She's bisexual, and she kissed me and I loved it. I love her."

"Oh," he bit his lip cautious of his word choice,"that's tough. You're right." 

"What do I do?"

"Does he know?"

"Yeah, he knows now. She told him everything and he just made a scene at a family dinner." 

"Does he hate you?"

"I don't know," I looked off at the waves crashing on the rocks in the ocean, "but if he doesn't I hate myself enough for the both of us."

"It's not your fault." I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. All along, through this hellish few weeks that's what I've wanted to hear. 'It's not your fault'. 

"It's not?" I asked digging further for his justification. 

"No, it's not." He wiped the tear as it slipped down my pasty cheek, "You fell in love with someone who might just be evil."

"That's true," I recalled the endless bitching in the beginning, and the torture, "I'm a mess."

"You're not a mess, you've been wasting your personality and good looks one someone who doesn't deserve it." I watched Levi's mouth as he talked, trying to dissolve the information that could change my life. 

"How do I stop?"

"It's going to hurt, are you sure you want the answer?"

"Yes." I whispered.

"Cut the contact with her. All of it. If you see her, ignore her. If you can't, be the biggest bitch you can muster." 

"That will make Viper not hate me again?" He nodded as though he was noting that Viper was the brother.

"No, that's going to take time and working. It'll make you not so dependant on the attention that this girl give's you."

"And I'll stop loving her?" I asked, scared that he would say no and more scared that he would say yes. In truth, I didn't want to not love Cecilia. She was the first person I've ever had feelings for besides my family. She was the only person who made me feel alive inside the dark hole I was buried in. I sighed because I knew that was most likely how Viper felt too. I tried to imagine Viper right now, crying in his room with the door locked. Maybe at Cecilia's begging that she'd stop, or asking to talk to her about it. I imagined his poor broken heart, hardly beating and wanted to cry. He was the best brother, and my best friend. He didn't deserve it. 

"No," he finally said, "you won't stop. You'll never stop. She's the first person you've fallen in love with. She'll always be that one. But you'll learn to ignore it, and to love someone else."

"I don't want to love someone else."

"I know," he said sadly as he rubbed my back. I leaned against his shoulder, "but sometimes we have to do things we're not comfortable with or even ready for for the sake of someone we love."

"For the sake of Viper." I said.

"Exactly, for the sake of your brother." I left my head on his shoulder and watched the waves again. They were fast, and slow. Gentle and destructive. Like me and Viper, polar opposites with different attitudes. Viper was fast paced, irrational. I was calm, and collected. Viper had been through hell, more than I could say I've been through. He was daddy's little boy, and when daddy left, the void was a black hole taking up the space in his chest cavity. Cecilia closed the hole, and healed him. I was a selfish bitch, taking the time and effort to destroy his peace of mind. I shut my eyes and sat with Levi on the beach in silence, reflecting on myself.