Midnight: A Twilight Parody

Midnight - Chapter 2

"How am I going to school?" I ask Barley as he sits at the table, shoving bacon, eggs, and pancakes into his mouth.

"Well, I sure as hell am not taking you, so you better use the truck out front," He says, talking with a mouth full of food. I can see all of its contents jumbled in his mouth as he continues to chew and devour each piece.

I peep out the window, "You mean that hunk of junk sitting in the drive way? Does it even run?" I stare at him as an appalled expression is on my face. Well, let me rephrase that. My face never really changes expression, except in life-or-death situations. So right now my face kinda looks like this. ._. just as it always does.

Me: ._. ..

Barley: "Yep, that's it." He throws me the keys.

Me: ._. ..

Yeah. That's my normal everyday expression. Sexy, isn't it?

I flick him off before getting into the truck. It's old, probably made in 1800 B.C. and the doors always stick, even when I shut them. It's bright orange, so even if I didn't want to be caught dead in this piece of shit, I really don't have a choice. It's too run down for anyone not to notice.

As I pull into school, I go to the office to get my schedule. Once my schedule's in hand, I scan it, seeing that I have science first period. I walk over, or actually, I stumble over, since that's pretty much my idea of walking.

In the middle of "walking", I trip over god knows what and land face down on the floor. Out of nowhere, some random Asian kid comes to my rescue. "Oh my god, are you okay?" He asks, searching my body for any sign of injuries. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I try to shoo him off of me, but it seems like he's determined to see if I'm really alright.

"Dude, I'm fine. Chill the fuck out." He backs off then, although he doesn't seem stunned or hurt by my fierce comment. It's about time. I look back at him before continuing to class. "I'm Derek, by the way." He says with a wink. And with that, he's off towards the other direction.

Once I finally reach class, I pass by a fan which is inside the classroom. Why is there a fan? It's not like it's hot in here... Anyway, my dirty greasy hair blows all around my face, trapping me until I can't breathe. I try frantically to get it off, doing some weird ninja dance move thing. Everyone stares at me, but I don't blame them. I'm weird as fuck!

After that, my teacher, Mr. Craps-a-lot directs me to a seat next to this weird kid. As I sit down, he starts twitching and convulsing. He stares at me intently, as if he's going to rip my fucking head off or something. In a matter of time, foam starts to build up in his mouth, and I scoot a few inches away, the same dull expression plastered on my face.

"Uh..is he okay?" I ask Mr. Craps-a-lot, pointing to my partner as he continues to foam beside me. "Don't worry, he does that a lot." the teacher replies. I simply shrug it off - that is, until the freak starts sniffing my hair. What is up with people and my hair?!

I scoot away even more, staring at him from a three foot distance. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I whisper. He smirks at that for some odd reason, but then again, when isn't the guy odd? "Now, is that any way to introduce yourself?" He asks in an old British accent. "Erm..I guess not. I'm Ella," I stick out my hand to greet him, being careful not to get his disgusting mouth foam on my hand. I hear him mutter something that sounds like I know, and ask, "What did you say?"

"Uh, nothing. I'm Edweird." Wow, I've never heard a better suited name for someone. Instead I say, "Nice to meet you." He gives me toothy grin, showing his two pointed dagger teeth. I wonder if he's some sort of vampire. How weird would that be?

Just then, Mr. Craps-a-lot assigns us an assignment which includes looking in a microscope and determining if it's meta-phase or pro-phase. I already know all this, even though this is my first time being in this class! And it seems like science is the only class I have to attend the whole year (well, the rest of it anyway)!

So of course, I get all the answers right, taking over the assignment while Edweird continues to sit in the corner. What is wrong with him? God, it's like everyone in this town was born in toxic waste or something. Fucking weirdos. I knew I shouldn't have come here. But then again, it's not like I had a choice.

After class, I begin to walk to my locker. Shoving my books inside, I turn around to find that Edweird was following me. "What's wrong with you?" He asks. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with him! How the hell is this psycho asking me what's wrong when he clearly is the weird one?!

"Uh, nothing really. Well besides the fact that I'm dull and have the exact emotion as a brick," He laughs at that, but it wasn't meant to be funny. It was the God's honest truth. "You're strange, and quite hard to read," He replies, looking up at me with his golden eyes. Wait. Read? Last time I checked, I'm not a fucking book. Unless..he's a mind reader! :O

Then I realized something. Of course, it took me a while. I'm not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.

"Wait. Weren't your eyes just red a few minutes ago? Now they're golden.." I question him. He panics at the question, and I have no idea why. Maybe because he's hiding something. "Uh, it's the lighting.." He says, "Sometimes it changes my eyes a different color," What kind of response is that? "It's just the lighting" yeah right. What a weirdo! I don't question him any further, but decide it's best to keep an eye on him.

I start to walk off to lunch when that Asian kid comes up to me again, linking his arm into mine. "Mind if I walk you to lunch?" I wish he would just get off my case already. "The new girl might need a tour guide to show her around," He states with a wink. I just stand there awkwardly with his arm still in mine. My expression the same as always. ._. "Or maybe I can show you around my bedroom.." He winks again, attempting to flirt. Why would anyone want to flirt with me? It's like flirting with a fucking brick.

All of a sudden he leans down and kisses me. Actually, more like makes out with my fucking face. It definitely wasn't a romantic kiss, far from it. He pretty much licked the side of my face, moving his lips all around and sucking in different places like a vacuum cleaner.

Once he's done, he looks up at me. "Maybe that'll change your mind," He blows me a kiss before walking off to lunch. Well, what a day it's been. Found out my childhood "friend" was stalking me, I got to ride to school in a hideous truck, had the chance of getting rabies from my science partner, and got my face sucked off. Great. Can't wait for tomorrow.