Like We Used To (Book 1)

24. First Loves

Mandy’s POV

There I was yet again in front of the man that I loved with all my heart, that man that made my world turn and all I could say was Hi.

“Umm. Well come in.” He looked so nervous and to me it was the most adorable thing ever.

“I’ll leave you two to talk.” That was all that was said from Jimmy before he ran upstairs.

I stood there alongside Brian, not knowing exactly what to do. I never felt this way around him. I just wanted to fall into his arms and have him tell me that everything was going to be ok, but that was just it. Nothing between me and Brian was ok and with this awkward silence, I didn’t think that it ever would be.

I wanted to start the conversation, but I didn’t know how to say what I was thinking and I knew once the words started coming out of my mouth I wasn’t going to be able to stop.

“Brian we can’t be this way. I don’t know what to do about us anymore. I don’t know how I am supposed to feel or why you just let me go the way you did, why did you Brian? Why would you give up on us and everything we had together?” And just like that I was in tears and the words couldn’t be taken back.

And he stood there with the same amount of love in his eyes that I saw the day we moved in together.

“I love you Mandy, ok. I don’t wanna believe that there is another guy in your heart, but I think that there is.”

“I think that you’re afraid Brian.” He sighed.

“Yeah I am afraid. It hurt like hell when I lost you. I don’t wanna do that again.”

“Then don’t Brian. Nothing in this world is supposed to be able to separate me and you. We were meant to be together no matter what the case would be. No matter what we went through it’s supposed to be me and you Brian.”

“I screw up a lot Mandy, alright? And being around you, I just, I don’t wanna be that guy anymore.”

I stood right in front of him and he grabbed my hands. “Well, who do you want to be Brian?”

“I wanna be someone who is good enough to be seen with you.” I smiled.

“You are Bri, you are an amazing guy, I think that you just got a little intimidated when Carey came around.” He backed away from me.

“Woah. What do you mean intimidated?”

“I mean Carey was my first love and we were together for a long time, kinda like you and Michelle.” I snapped.

“Why the hell would you bring Michelle into this Mandy? She isn’t even around anymore.”

“But she was when I first moved here Brian and I did everything I could to be ok with it and be civil with her.”

“She’s Val’s FUCKIN sister Mandy! Carey isn’t related to anyone in our circle of friends.”

“Don’t fuckin’ yell at me Brian. I was just wanted to talk, I don’t want to fight.”

He threw his hands up. “But yet here we are fighting!”

“That’s because you are still trying to defend Michelle and make me seem like that bad guy here. Carey came to town to check on MY sister who almost died because of the bullshit these bands have put our lives through. He has been a big part of her life for as long as Benj and boys. He is like a brother to her that is why he came here.”

“That doesn’t explain why the hell you were sitting on his lap like he was your boyfriend outside of the hospital a few weeks ago!”

I laughed too sarcastically for the good of this conversation. “Well maybe that’s because “my boyfriend” was being a fucking asshole to me the whole time that Alisha was in the hospital. You couldn’t even suck it up and go to the hospital with me. Matt had to go and knock some fuckin’ sense into you.”