Bucky wakes in a cold sweat. Her face is so clear in his mind, her firey eyes especially. She can't be imagined can she?
But she is. The therapist said so. And he's sadistic for wanting to have had someone there with him, experiencing the same pain. Two people in fact. Children that he tortured, and grew up in the Hydra facility. Using a woman to manipulate him? Really, Buck? That's sick.
It feels real. It feels like it happened. The emotions are palpable. His chest hurts, and so does his throat. When his bedroom door opens and Steve pokes his head in Bucky knows he was screaming.
"Bucky-"
"Leave it, Steve." He says gruffly, turning on his side and away from the door. "Just leave it. Leave me alone."
Steve sighs, "You were shouting for her again."
"Well they were taking her from me again." He's aware he sounds like a child but can't be bothered to care. Not real, not real, not real. "No. It was just a dream."
For a moment it's silent and then Steve sighs again and closes the door. He sits down next to Bucky, who is grateful for the company even if he doesn't say it. "Bucky, we've been looking into her existence. We've been trying to find some record of her."
"Who's we?"
"Me and Natasha, and Tony when he's in the mood."
A little bit of hope enters him. "And?"
"Nothing yet. But it's only been a few weeks and Hydra goes deep." Steve says.
"You won't find anything if she's not real." Bucky replies, his voice as void of emotion as a blank canvas. A canvas he paints with a layer of cold with logic.
"Why do you suddenly think she isn't real? You were adamant about it. You came to life when you talked about her."
"Well when it's being shoved down my throat every day that I'm crazy and delusional, maybe I've started to believe it." Bucky shrugs as though it doesn't matter, shifting restlessly in bed. He doesn't really have anything left to say other than for Steve to let him know if they find anything.
Steve still doesn't say anything as he wishes he could take Bucky's pain away.
"If she was real," He whispers to Steve, "She- she and the other girl- are probably dead or worse."
And Steve doesn't need to guess what Bucky means by 'or worse'. Or worse implied they might still be with Hydra. But, if that was the case, then they would very well cause World War III to retrieve them.
YOU ARE READING
Project Elemental
Fanfiction(Bucky Barnes x Reader) You and your best friend have been property of Hydra since you were children. You disappeared during WWII and were never seen again. James Buchanan Barnes is struggling. He can't tell the difference between memory and dreams...
