Beyond Repair

Chapter 5

Jin was staring at a distance lost in thought. His assignment lay untouched in front of him begging for his attention. His attention, however, was on a dark haired girl with beautiful brown eyes; a perfectly shaped nose and full pink lips smiling at him.

His imagination was going wild today. He simply couldn't stop thinking about her. It was the longing he had for her that was driving him crazy.

He wanted to shower her with kisses and whisper nothing's  in her ear lovingly. At the same time he just wanted to stare at her from a distance and tell her how much she was loved. This mixed feelings, mixed desires, he had for her was too much for him to control.

He wanted her to know how much he needed her. He wanted to protect her from the world. He wanted shower her with love unconditionally. He needed her in his arms.

He remembered how jealous he became every time a guy came close to her. Min was a shy girl so she rarely spoke to boys, but even the short conversations she had with boys got his blood boiling. Jin wanted to keep her to himself. He wanted to tell the world she was his.

At the same time he wanted to treasure her; protect her from harm. She was fragile and sensitive in his eyes. Min was also a naive girl who had a world of her own and he wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible.

In his mind though Min saw him only as a friend. Every time he imagined her in his arms he felt as if he was committing a crime against the friendship. Little did he know how untrue his thoughts were.

He imagined her in his arms. He imagined kissing her. He imagined her making sinful sounds from all the pleasure that he would give her. He imagined marking every inch of her body so that no other man had the audacity to touch her. He imagined making her his.

"Shit," he cursed as he felt himself get hard from the mere thought of her. He felt disgusted at himself for being so aroused because he wanted to treat her like a princess and not lust after her.

In his eyes his love was pure, surely his body begged to differ.

He got up from his chair, his hard member making him wince in pain. He waddled up to his bed while making sure not to make any sudden moves. He gritted his teeth again as he bent down to open the bedside drawer revealing its contents.

Inside the drawer was a rusty diary with old brown covers which he treasured with his life.

He took the book out and stared at it in disgust. A part of him however treasured it. He walked clumsily back to the table and plopped down, feeling the hardness again.

He opened the diary to an empty page as he grabbed a pen that was lying nearby. He sighed a little as he started imagining doing things to Min which he could only describe as sinful. He poured all his thoughts in the diary one by one while imagining her in his arms. He described how he would touch her; feel her, pleasure her. He imagined how he would make her moan in pleasure, make her beg for more. He imagined making her yearn for his touch.

Doing this made him feel worthless, disgusting even but he didn't stop. It was more like he couldn't stop.

He felt himself tremble as he was slowly reaching his end. This was the extent to which he loved Min. A mere thought of her had him going crazy, imagine what it would be like to actually have her in person. A surge of pleasure passed by him as he felt himself become relieved. He sighed and slumped down in the table, his eyes half open and his breathing disheavled.

Jin thought of how he had started writing as a form of relieving his manly desires. He hated touching himself, in his eyes it was anything but manly. Some would take a cold shower but he was really sensitive to cold so he stopped doing it after he had to be admitted to the hospital one time.

Since then the book had been his record of sinful desires. What aggravated him even more was that half of the book consisted of him making love to Min.

Little did he know that this guilty pleasure of his could be more deadly than he imagined it to be.