Our Time, so let's have fun! (Mileschronicles x Reader)

I need to be honest..

Okay so by the title this may seem really bad and I guess it kinda is.

Now I know that I don't have a bad life at all. I have loving parents, amazing siblings, supportive friends/family and I wouldn't change any of that.

But even though I don't have a hard life in that way I still do have a lot of personal problems. I have been diagnosed with depression and suicide. I have gone through some sexual assault/harassment. All my life I've struggled with body image. And by "body image" I don't mean "Oh my god! I way 100 pound!" I mean like the doctors are really concerned for me because of shit I'll get to in a minute. and I've also always struggled to fit in.

So first off let's start with my depression/suicidal thoughts. This all started September October of 2016. I began feeling a lot more down and even feeling completely numb some days. I just didn't see the light anymore which made me not really wanna live. I didn't see a point in all honesty. But soon my parents got help after I talked to them about the self harming I had been doing and even multiple attempts at suicide. I eventually got help and was diagnosed with depression. But of cores me being me I refused to take any of the medication saying I wasn't going to rely on some pill to make me happy, and that felt worse then the depression made me feel. But truthfully I have gotten better but every once in a while I'll feel the same way again and wish it was all over. I am working on it but it's been hard.

Next is something I'm usually not very verbal about because it makes me very uncomfortable. This is my story of being faced with sexual assault. I have only ever told two people, and mentioned it once before. I haven't ever told my parents because it was so long ago and it honestly scares me way to much to tell them. See I was 4 maybe 5 years old. I didn't know what sex was or anything like that. I was a happy child who enjoyed just well being me. But one day my perspective on the world and the people in it really changed. I had went to my aunts house one evening to just hang out and say hello. My aunt's ex husband had a friend over who had a son who was about 10 or 11. we had all went up to my aunts room to play for a little wile. By we I mean my cousin, me, and the boy. Well my cousin had said he would be right back he had to grab something from outside which me and the boy knew would take him a while since it was pretty dark out. Once my cousin left the boy had locked the door and started asking me to remove my clothing and let him see. Now I obviously didn't know why he wanted to see me naked or anything like that, but I sure as hell was uncomfortable. I said no repeatedly but he didn't listen. He proceeded to remove my close and do things I don't even want to speak of. I was not penetrated but I was touch in places a child should never be touched. Let alone anyone if they say no. Thank god my aunt called us down for ice cream. Mainly because he was forced to stop. I remember crying as he threatened to hurt my little sister if I ever told anyone so I didn't. I just sat there that night staring at my ice cream. Even after all these years I tend to get very uncomfortable with any contact with humans. Sometimes my friends will squeeze or boop my boobs as a joke not knowing how it really affects me. But I don't stop anyone because I don't want to seem super emotional. (if that makes sense)  And that's my story with sexual assault/harassment.

Now onto body image. Like I said I don't mean the "I weigh 100 pounds oh my gawd I'm so fat!" I mean I weigh way more than this. And my doctor is really concerned because I don't eat much, I exercise, and all that, plus every time I eat I throw up afterwards. I just don't know anymore.

Lastly my fitting in. This mainly resolves around me being pan and stuff and how hard it's been lately with just feeling at home. Plus I rally like this girl, who's also one of my best friends and ughhhh. I'm a mess right now so I apologies if I just disappear again. I'm really just trying to get my life back on track and fix myself.

That's all, bi. (also its late so I apologies for any spelling errors because it is unedited and I just had to rant.)