She hurt him like every other woman he's known. All the lyrics he's sung about the bad girls he's tried to make good. She knew. She was his shoulder when in need and he loved her so damn carelessly. And she hurt him.
Normally, he'd plaster on a smil...
He's smarter than before. He's more sure of himself. I am not familiar with this new persona. What do you do when you're swimming and a shark has you by your leg?
"Would you like me to repeat myself?"
"I heard you," I manage, the words dripping with resentment.
"You seem angry," he says, invitingly.
"And you're full of shit," I say, assuredly because I know now what this is.
"How so?" He inquires, teasingly.
"Well, you've always played the role of the nice guy. I friend-zoned you, and you pretended to be fine with that. But like most "nice guys" your kindness was just a ploy to get me to sleep with you," I state.
"What?" He asks like he's genuinely perplexed.
"I was never interested in you, you continuously pursued in hopes that I would change my mind one day. And when I didn't, when I chose yet another man over you, even though you were "first in line", you could not bare that fact that I just did not want you! So, you're trying to punish me because that's the kind of weak, wack, corny ass nigga you are. That's why all the women in your life just walk all over you and right back out once they get to know you!"
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"So you did choose him over me," he asks but the words come out like a statement.
I keep getting this feeling like when there's a wave coming towards the shore. Jumping. Jumping waves like you do when you're at the beach and you're playing. It's this feeling like when the water hits your feet, it's going to take you under.
"That's what you think. That's why you're doing this after all. Even after I apologized to you, you still want to be vindictive," I spew, Queens accent filled to brim with venom.
"Oh? Am I being vindictive, Onika?"
The first wave hits and it's okay, you're alright. It's not that bad, but then there's another one and you feel your feet digging into the sand and its giving you this sensation like your moving, but you're not and you feel so far away from land now. Like the sea has some kind of magnetic pull and now you have no choice but to go to it. And that wave is on it's way to you. It's coming to sweep you away. My god, why did I come to the beach alone today?
He has this arrogant smirk smeared on his face and I wonder how long it takes him to get dressed in the morning these days. Let's see; he's gotta put on his pants, his shirt, his shoes, and his new personality. Must be exhausting.
"Yes, you are!"
"No, I'm not being vindictive, but I am getting even. You're only here because you got so high you couldn't control yourself. I love you and you fucked me over, yet the only way I could get you to speak to me is by a bottle of pills. If I'd of known that I'd have gotten you some a long time ago."
There's one coming, but my feet are buried in sand, and there's not digging them out. How did this happen? That wave is on it's way to me, it's coming in slow motion and I've got no choice but to watch, to watch it come and take me away.
"Jesus, back to this?"
" Let me finish," he says intensely staring at me, eyes beading into my soul.
"Why couldn't you have just picked up the phone?
" I didn't know what to say, I was a shamed. It was hard for me. God I was with him, an if I had ended it.. I don't know"
I tried to explain but the words didn't know how to come out. He couldn't know. He didn't know, what it was like for me. This industry was ruthless and every action I made had a consequence. There were always these consequences for the most basic and simplest things. Sometimes I felt like not doing anything ever again, if only it would mean an end to all the scrutiny.
"You don't know," he questions hostility flooding through his voice, which is so goddamned deep now. And suddenly, I do not want to speak to anymore. I want it to be 2008 again, on the back of the tour bus, just us talking for hours on end about how things will turn out.
Be careful what you wish for.
I can see the headline now. Simple day at the beach turns into tragedy. Why can't I get my fucking feet out of the sand?
" You better have a lot better than an 'I don't know'," he starts, pausing to look at me with this look of abhorance.
"....How about for once you talk to me like I'm a person, like someone you've known and had a relationship as opposed to a celebrity. We were close, and then weren't and I'm trying to figure out what went wrong. When did you start thinking it was okay to treat me like a piece of shit on the bottom of your shoe?"
I DON'T KNOW! I want to scream. I want to scream it so loud that the entire world can hear. Because truly, I do not know. I don't know the exact moment I began to become the person I said I would never be. One day I just decided I didn't want to be inside myself anymore, so I started doing things that would get me away from myself.
I want to scream. All of this has been festering in my soul for too long, I just want to get it out. I wan to fall at his feet and have him hug me and for him to be my oblivious again so that I can get high in peace and love him when I have time. I want it to be okay. This is not me..or maybe it is.
I don't know. But he doesn't care. He's out for blood
and
I'm still at the beach, the wave is still coming.
Author's note
Hello beauties, I just wanted to get some feedback on the story and the direction it is going in thus far. Please answer these questions in the comments.
1) Are you enjoying the story thus far. Why or why not?
2) Is there anything that you are confused about?
3) Are there any characters from which you would like to see a cameo appearance ?
