Have a Little Hope

2. Have a Little Scream

Hello all! Thank you all SO much for your supportive comments on the first chapter, it's so awesome of you and a real boost to keep posting :) I hope you continue to enjoy it! 

I wake up the next morning with my body slumped over the high hospital bed due to the harsh morning light shining into the room. My grandparents are wide awake and looking at me as I rouse from my deep slumber, but immediately, I turn to look at my dad who is still lying in the hospital bed, still connected to that machine, with that beeping noise filtering throughout the room.

‘Hope,’ my Nan begins seriously, her voice hoarse and thick with emotions. I look in her direction as she says sternly, ‘I don’t want to talk about this, but we’re going to have to.’

‘Nan-‘ I begin, standing up, my legs feeling a little wobbly. ‘I am not talking about this. It doesn’t need to be discussed. Everyone just needs to leave everything how it is right now and leave me and my dad alone.’

‘I’m speaking Hope,’ she cuts in, raising her hand and shooting a warning look at me. She takes a deep breath and gives me a softer look before saying, ‘Your dad isn’t there anymore. There’s no activity in his brain. The only reason he is being kept alive is for his organs and while this is horrible, and painful to talk about, it needs to be done because any minute now, someone could die because they’re waiting for an organ of which your dad wanted to give to someone. He wanted to, Hope. He was a registered organ donor and he wants his organs used to save other lives. While nothing, absolutely nothing can make this okay about what has happened, we can’t continue like this. It’s not healthy on any of us and your father would want to save people’s lives.’

‘Nan-‘ I argue, getting angrier the more she talks.

‘No, I am talking, Hope.’ She takes a deep breath before continuing. ‘I want your consent to allowing this to happen, but even if you don’t give it, I am going to go ahead with this. It needs to happen soon, Hope. People will benefit from his organs the sooner we can say okay. Think about the wonderful gift he is going to be giving people, okay? Because sweetheart, nothing is going to bring him back and while I would use myself to save my son, I can’t, but we’ve got to make the best out of this situation, even if it means helping other people. Do you understand what I’m saying, Hope?’

Clenching my fists together, I can feel my nails beginning to pierce my palms, which hurts a hell of a lot more than when I got my belly pierced. I bite down on my bottom lip and stammer, ‘B-b-b-but why? Why my dad? Why does he have to die so others can live? It’s not fair, Nan. It’s NOT fair.’

I angrily chew harder on my bottom lip and pace around the room. I feel an overwhelming sense of claustrophobia take over me as she continues to speak and all I want to do is to turn back the clock and relive Tuesday all over again. I’d change everything. I’d make dad take me to sixth form. I’d make him not go into work that day. I’d do anything, everything differently so this didn’t have to be happening.

‘I know, I know it’s not, but at the same time, think about how many lives your Dad will save? I know this is hard and I am going to do my best to help you through this, but we can’t prolong the agony, Hope. I can’t do that to any of us,’ she says, trying to speak calmly.

‘I don’t care about those people! I care about my dad. MY DAD!’ I snarl at her and feel huge sobs escape my body; those heartbreaking sobs which you just can't hold back and affect your whole body. 

She reaches out across the hospital bed and takes my hand in hers, begging me to look at me. I turn to face the frail, vulnerable woman with the grey hair framing her face that looks much like my own and feel my hope wavering. I hate that it’s not only me, but my grandparents going through this.