Have a Little Hope

17. Have a Little Promise

So I think you can thank the London Oympics for this update because I was just SO excited and spellbound by the opening ceremony last night! :P Bit of a sad chapter, but hey ho, that's life with happy and sad moments. Please let me know what you think! 

‘You look unhappy, Strawbs,’ Cole comments when I meet him a couple of days later. I haven’t uttered a word yet and he’s guessed I’m in the greatest mood only a few seconds after meeting him. I sigh, and follow him inside his house. I scale the stairs and wander into his bedroom before plopping myself down on his comfy bed. ‘What’s up, Hope?’

‘Everything,’ I grumble, and place his pillow on my head as my feelings from a couple of days ago are still in the air.

Sighing, he squishes in next to me and rolls over so his front is pressed against my back and his arms are wrapped around my body. He removes the pillow from my face and whispers close to my ear, ‘What’s wrong?’

I don’t want to talk about it and Cole knows this, so doesn’t push that much further when I don’t go to answer, but I can feel there’s this big tension between us because I’m tense and stressed and not opening up to him. I haven’t slept for the past two days and haven’t been hungry today either. It’s like I continually experience waves and waves of sadness.

I can’t be fully happy.

‘You can tell me anything, Hope. I’m your boyfriend, I’m your shoulder to cry on now,’ he soothes and climbs over me so we’re now face to face. His arms draw me closer to him and he gives me a warm hug.

Sniffing, I shake my head. ‘No, I’ll be okay soon.’ I give him a weak smile and press my lips to his to move this sadness on. He kisses me back once as my fingers tousle his hair. ‘I’ll be okay soon,’ I murmur as he pulls away from my lips.

‘But I want you to be okay now.’ And I can’t help but see this pained expression and sadness plastered across his face. It makes me feel even worse he’s harbouring sadness for me. I look into his mesmerising eyes and calm down as he rests one arm over my waist, waiting patiently for me to talk.

And so I finally spill it all out, ‘It’s my dad.’ I take a deep breath before launching into explaining, ‘It’s just, I told my grandparents about you and us being together and then I realised that my dad will never meet you. He’ll never know about you and you don’t know how much I want to share this all with him. He’ll miss out on all this boyfriend stuff with you. I wish he could be here now. I wish he could have that dad chat with you and scare you shitless because he wanted to make sure you were a good guy and was worth dating me. I wish I could row with him about coming home late because I was at yours or something stupid like that. I know he’d then be your biggest fan and you’d get along so well, but it’s never going to happen, is it? I wish he could be here to do this stuff, and he’s not. He never will be.’

I tremble and flap my hands about and shake my head, willing my tears not to fall. Regardless, Cole pulls me closer to him and holds me tightly and kisses the pain away, sweet, soft, chaste kisses on my face as I hold back my sobs.

‘I wish this wasn’t happening, Cole,’ I say miserably, scrunching my hair in my hands.

‘You wish what wasn’t happening?’

‘Everything. I want it to go back to how my life was a couple months ago,’ I cry. I know that means potentially not meeting Cole, but I would do anything to have my dad back.

‘I know,’ he tries. ‘I know.’ He hands me a tissue and he kisses my tears away, letting me calm down slightly, before asking carefully, ‘Can I ask you something? You’ve never told me anything about your mum.’ He takes my hand and begs me to look at him. ‘I know you live with your grandparents, but you never talk about her. Is she around or...?’ He trails off, wondering what I’m hiding from him.