Have a Little Hope

29. Have a Little Motherly Advice

Hiya! So perfect song on the side for Hope and Cole, sooo good. Enjoy the chapter and do let me know what you think of it...

Today, I am heading off to Southampton University.

My mum has offered to drop me there, bringing along some things for my room there seeing as our shopping trip never did happen. The shopping trip didn’t even cross my mind this week, until my Nan said to me yesterday my mum would take me to university to save my grandparents the track which would have been a bit too much for them.  

Taking the last of my bags and suitcases down the stairs with me, I spot my mum at the bottom of the stairs, and weirdly enough, we look alike now, seeing as I took a bottle of hair dye two nights ago and stripped my pink hair away, leaving me with a blank canvas to which I put a light honey blonde colour on, close to my natural shade. Maybe it was a bit of a crisis point for me, but I just had to get rid of the pink hair. I needed to physically do something to move on, but still, I feel the same; unhappy, weak and lost.

My mum’s eyes widen when she sees me.

‘Hi darling, are you ready to go?’ She asks warily, looking me up and down.

I don’t look up, but nod and kiss my grandparents goodbye without saying anything. I can’t speak. I can’t do anything now. I feel completely and utterly lost without Cole and I know it’s my entire fault.

I haven’t spoken to him since our argument at the hospital, which was five days ago, nor has he tried to ring me. I think it’s safe to say we’ve broken up with what would be categorised as irreconcilable differences. I miss him. I didn’t think it would be this hard without him, but I literally have not moved all week, just sitting in my room, feeling numb and sad and taking the pain out on my hair and heart. I have this weighted feeling in my heart of longing for him; longing to hold his hand, longing to touch his hair, longing to hear his laugh or see his smile. I miss how I was around him. I miss how he made me feel. I would even say I miss him as much as I miss my dad; I have this huge hole in my heart from both of those men.  

I honestly miss him more than I ever thought I would.

But I guess that’s what love does to you and love seems incredibly heartbreaking to me right now. They’re wrong when they say you don’t know what you had until it’s gone; we all know what we had, we just failed to appreciate it and believe in it when times get tough.

And I guess I’m learning that the hard way.

I sigh and rest my head against the window of my mum’s car, when she asks quietly, ‘What’s with you then? New hair colour I see, you've lost the pink.’

I raise my eyebrow at her and don’t answer.

‘We’re in this car for over an hour and a half, Hope, you’re going to have to talk to me.’

‘Just leave me alone,’ I grumble, looking out of the window and turning my body away from her.

But she persists, ignoring me. ‘Is it to do with Cole?’

When I hear his name, I feel the tears surface my eyes immediately and I bite down on my bottom lip, hard and mutter, ‘It’s over.’

‘Nooo,’ she coos, glancing over at me from driving. ‘But you two were so good together. What’s happened? Did you not want to do long distance?’

‘I can’t talk about it,’ I force out, waving my hands about to stop myself crying. ‘It’s over.’

‘Why though?’ She persists and I’m unable to hold back the tears, as I can’t help but launch into the whole story of what happened five days ago as she drives along. She doesn’t make one comment, but listens to me before finally pulling over at a petrol station. She turns the engine off before sighing and holding my hand. I don’t push her away. She offers me a tissue to dry my eyes and lets me calm down before she speaks.