it's just a crush .

t w o .

chapter 2

all i can think is that's all he really came over to do. when we were a couple , he knew better to even try. but now he keeps being pushy. i refuse to let him do anything , we aren't together. it's not okay with me.
" no , you know im not like that " i said.
" come on babe , you know i love you. i wouldn't be here if i didn't " was all he would say.
i just shake my head. he won't stop trying and he begins to notice im getting mad.
" im sorry , but i don't know why you don't just let me..."
i interrupt him ,
" you know what , you can leave now . my family should be home soon ".
as he walks out the door he turns back around and kisses me. after i close the door i go back to my room and begin to cry. i dont know why im being so dramatic. it just hurts.
i grab my phone and my best friend haley dm'ed me a picture on instagram. im confused but look at it anyway. it's a screenshot of him commenting on other girls pictures , just now. wow. i go to the girls page that my best friend sent , yep. 2 minutes ago.
i realize all he wants is sex. he came over , tried to force me into it , when i dont , he leaves and starts commenting on other girls pictures. he doesn't feel for me like i feel for him. i don't need someone who takes advantage of me. it hurts to know someone you deeply have feelings for is using your feelings you have for them to have sex. i need someone who makes me happy , supports me , brings me up instead of putting me down. that's not him. i have to let go of him before i hurt myself more than i already have.
i cant let myself hang onto him. as i lay down on my bed , i grab my phone. i realize i have a multiple snapchat notifications from ' best frieeenndddd💍🔗 ' , ' karen😜 ' , ' kaylie🤤 ' and more , they're all my best friends. i was weirded out when i saw i have a snapchat notification from matt , samuel's best friend.
at that point i knew i had to check. matt had just skipped his 5th and 8th period to be with me , but i didn't think he would text me or try to turn it into something more although he had slightly flirted and made a few comments but i thought he was just playing.

i open snapchat and start with ' best frieeenndddd💍🔗 ' first. she replied to my story ,
" CASEY VALADEZ ? WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU GUYS WERE TALKING AGAIN ? "
i was confused because i never posted anything on my story. i click on my story and i noticed when he was here he grabbed my phone and took a picture of us and posted it , he captioned " to all the guys trying to hit on me , stop wasting your time . all his😜 "
he took an off guard of me with him beside me. how did i not see that ? then i open ' matt☺️. '
he also responded to my story , " you couldn't have let me know you guys were still talking after today ?🙄 "
i didn't know what to say. ive always had a crush on matt but shit , everyone has. he was the hottest guy in school and a great soccer and baseball player. before samuel and i got together , matt and i never talked and we only started to when me and samuel had arguments , he helped. yeh i had a crush on him .. but how could i let go of someone i love for someone i only crushed on?
i leave him on opened.
im not in the mood. i decide to put on ' 13 going on 30 ' , and eat chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. it's crazy how im letting some boy who doesn't care about me get to me. i begin falling asleep before the movie ends.

authors note - okay 685 words , woohoo !🙂 it's currently 2:30 am , my moms birthday and im in mexico , visiting family.
i dont know why i choose to update when im the busiest but i hope you guys enjoy !