This Is How I Disappear

Chapter 7: Headfirst For Halos (Part 3)

A/N: I got all stoked thinking this was a bigger piece..then I flipprd a page in my notebokk and was like "fuckkk" cause its really short. So I'm gunna update again after it for you lovely people :) I'd like to say this chapter is for my Grandma B, but she isn't reading this. Id say its fir her because no matter what she is the closest personbto me in my family and I can talk to her about everythinf and she listens. We are like eachothers own therapists haha :) I love you Gram ^-^ -Gerard

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*Xander's Pov*

My Gram sat on a chair beside the bed. She was so fucking cute. She held my hand lightly, seriously in every hospital soneone had to hold the patient's hand. What's up with that? I just held her hand in return, not wanting to be rude.

"Why did you want me to stay?" Gram asked curiously. I stared at the ceiling counting the little speckles in the tiles.

"I thought the end was the right thing to do, Gram." I said. It was true, that's what I thought. I never thought they'd care enough to drive across the continent.

"Killing yourself is never the answer, Alexander. You've known that for a very long time." Gram said, she gently pat mg hand avoiding the IV Needle.

"I'm worthless. I don't deserve to be alive." I muttered.

"Xandy-Boy, don't say that. Every person deserves to live." Gram said sternly.

"Not drug addicted family wrecking murderers." I replied dully. She narrowed her bright blue eyes at me and frowned.

"Xander, you deserve to live. You're eighteen years old and you have a chance to start over. Sometimes you have to make the worst mistake to realize they need to make a change." Gram told me. I sighed, she was right, as much as I wanted to die, I had one more chance to get better. But I will not go to Rehab.

I knew she was right, I knew it was true. It really did maybe tale the worst thing to happen to realize I had to change. The worst thing could be losing a family member, injury, or even dying, or dying and holding onto the edge to stay alive.

I could change my thoughts on it. I knew I was an addict, but did I have any intentions of getting clean? Now I do. I would face even the most horrible pain ti gey better. Id conquer my beast. Id think happy thoughts all the way to being clean.

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A/N; how did I do? :) -Gerard