Michael Cera- Sexiest Man Alive

Do you like my jams?

1:05

The road was gray and scattered with salt. The heat had finally kicked in and you had just merged onto the highway. Now you felt it was safe to turn on the radio. You switched through the stations; Kiss 108 was playing Despacito, and every other station had a different Ed Sheeran song playing.
"Dammit!" You mumbled. Michael, who had been leaning his head against the window, looked up.
"There's nothing good on. I swear the radio feeds off of commercialism."
He looked over at you briefly and then looked straight ahead and bluntly stated,
"All forms of media are capitalist pigs. There's two sides of the spectrum; the Wilbers and the Napoleons. Their purpose is the same, but the damage they cause can vary. The radio is at almost half way, probably landing at Porky Pig. Annoying and repetitive, but it's not his fault everyone wants to listen to Ed Sheeran on a loop."
After processing the cultural shock you'd just experienced, you managed to laugh for a straight minute. You finally got a grip and said,
"I don't know what's funnier; the fact that you made that up on the spot, or the fact that you had already made a capitalist pig scale in case you'd ever need to use it in conversation."
"Well which one would you prefer?"
You glanced over at him, still trying to keep yourself from laughing.
"Honestly, I'd like to believe you spend your free time studying economics just so you can compare them to fictional characters. But the chances of someone me meeting such an intellectual is highly unlikely."
He scoffed. "I just so happen to take my economics seriously. I can prove it to you."
"Alright. I'm listening."
"Apple is Napoleon. They know they have us wrapped around their fingers. Soon enough they might take over every Technology department. Disney: the three little pigs. Dumb as fuck, doesn't learn from their mistakes, but still gets off the hook, yet cherished as a childhood must have. Musical.ly: peppa pig. Seems childish and harmless, but I can see there's dark matter clouding in her beady little eyes."
You took another full minute to digest what has just been brought to your attention.
"Shit you're right! What the fuck, man."
"I know I'm an intellectual." He said smugly.
"Shut up!" You said lightly pushing him. You turned on the radio and switched it to an alternative station. It just so happened that Oxygen by Catfish and the Bottlemen started playing.
"What no way! I fucking love this song!"
"You like catfish and the bottlemen too?" Michael gasped.
"Uh yeah I do! And this is one of my favorite songs."
"Would you still like them if I told you they're Piglet on the capitalist spectrum?"
"Of course! Piglet is anxiety ridden but he's still cute."
Michael smiled to himself.
"You're definitely a Babe."
You looked over in shock.
"What did you just say?"
"Babe. Babe the pig who wanted to be a herding dog. What?" He responded casually.
"OH, I thought you meant something else like you called me a babe as in like...nevermind."
"Do you want me to call you babe?"
"Not unless you want me to send you flying through the windshield." You said jokingly.
"Ok got it. Skylar is not Babe. She's Miss Piggy."
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT YOU JERK!"
You swatted at him while he sunk into his seat laughing.
"You're miss piggy, you jerk." You said.
"No, I'm definitely a piglet."
Oxygen came to an end and the moment was broken by the sound of a Taco Bell ad.