Hookfang's Tale (HTTYD)

1 - Wedding Crashers

A/N:
Why did the dragons really raid Berk?

What's it like to be a powerful dragon thrown into a gladiator ring against... hapless children?
Is Sean Connery really the greatest dragon voice actor in all history?
How much meat would Meatlug lug if Meatlug could lug meat?

Most of these questions will be answered!

A midget on a giant's shoulder sees the farthest of the two. This is a story of the unsung heroes who enabled Hiccup and Toothless to pull off their crazy shenanigans in HTTYD.

Also, while this is my third story, why am I writing in first-person for the first time?

I... uhhh... I dunno.

Hope you enjoy!

On a side note, unlike Kronk, I have no formal education in speaking the language of the forest animals, so no dragonese. If you find this disappointing, all I have to say is, "Squeak squeakadee squeak squeaken." Ha! I either told you to deal with it or I just gave you my credit card number – I'm not sure which.

Oh, by the way, I'm planning to make the title for each chapter a little Easter egg hunt. If I pull it off right, you'll find some sort of subtle reference to a meme or pop culture tidbit from the past decade in the story that the title will hint at and you'll say to yourself, "Man, FizzleMcSchnizzle has some wit." If I don't pull it off right, I'll look like an idiot. Huzzah!

Obligatory disclaimer:
Everyone says it, so I guess I'll say it too because I'd totally get my pants sued off of me if I don't – LOL! I don't own any dragons, Vikings, or any other stuff I use from the HTTYD movie. Dreamworks does. I do, however, own a pet troll, which I have been training to steal everyone's right sock. Ya know, just to keep things even.

Wedding Crashers

This is my island. It's a hop and a glide off Hopeless, but not so far you're freezing to death. It's located solidly in the fog of foreboding.

My nest. In a word: mountainous. The entire island is essentially one large, dormant volcano and has been here for as long as anyone can recall, but hasn't changed one bit. While we dragons aren't bothered by the weather – which ranges from "So cold you can see your breath" to "So cold you spit and ice clinks against the ground" – the warmth inside the mountain is nice. Outside, though, we have hunting, fishing, and a charming view of the sunsets. The only problems are the pests.

I spread my wings and jump up into the air to join my fellow dragons. Yes, here is my nest... and there it goes. Tonight, we have to venture from the safety of our nest to visit these pests.

You see, most places have... wolves or... eels. We have land-striders. Land-striders are scaleless, thin-skinned, flammable vermin with four legs, but walk on only their hind legs. Some have long, straight shiny claws while others have broad, curved claws. Though they have only one or two claws, they can put a substantial amount of force behind a strike to break through the scales or even lop off a dragon's head. They are silly creatures and it is a wonder – and an inconvenience – that they can survive and proliferate in this cold, snowy scattering of islands.

Extremely dangerous, kill on sight.

Thankfully, they're not attacking us today. Granted, while they can manage to down some dragons, their definition of attacking our nest is to deliver themselves on nicely flammable hunks of wood.

See? Silly critters!

Even their nests are built from trees. We burn them down, then they build them again. One would think they would leave. One would think they could recognize futility when it's staring them in the face. One would think our charming dragon demeanor would give them a hint.