After The War

Remembrance

Then
Jeremy

It had been two months, three weeks, four days and approximately eleven hours since my family had died. There was nothing else for me to do but to count. I was weak, I couldn't fight and no one had ever taught me what to do once I was alone and needed to survive. Until now I never had too.

I was hungry. I didn't remember how I had been able to pull through the last few months but somehow I was still alive.

My stomach growled and I held it weakly. I was walking even though I didn't know why or where. I wanted to find food. There wasn't any.

The forest was a good pace to live, my dad had said once. You would always find things to eat and you could hide if someone attacked. Nothing of that was true anymore.

I wanted to break down and cry but I was a boy. I wasn't supposed to be weak. I wasn't supposed to be a crybaby. My sister had made fun of me so many times but I wasn't.

I never had liked to cry. Even if nobody was there to see.

I sniffled. Immediately I could hear the mocking voice of my sister again. It was as if she was standing right beside me.
I turned around but nobody was there. I was, still, all alone.

Weakly I leaned against a tree and slipped down until I was sitting on the ground. My pants were getting dirty and wet. I would catch a cold.
I could hear my mum scolding me now. Her voice replacing the one of my sister.
But she wasn't. She would never scold me again.
Once upon a time that would have been the best thing in the world, now it was the worst.

I missed them. I missed my dad and my mum and my grandmother, even though my dad used to say that she should have died a long time ago. I missed my sister and my two brothers, even though they had always made fun of me.

I sniffled some more. Still, I forbade myself from crying. I wasn't weak, I wasn't a crybaby.
Again there was my sister's voice echoing in my ears. I never had thought I would ever miss her mockery but now I did. I missed it more than anything else in the entire world. I wished I could fight with her again. With her and with my brothers. I wished I could be shouted at by mum and I wished I could hear one of the ridiculous stories from my dad that used to annoy me so much just one more time.
I wished I wouldn't hear the screams.

I still could see the red pouring out of their wounds. I could see them lying in the grass, unmoving and cold.
I could see their eyes, lifelessly staring at me.
Quickly I tried to look away but the memory was seared into my brain. I would never be able to get rid of it. My stomach growled.

Oh god, I was so hungry. So, so hungry. I hadn't eaten in days. I wasn't a good hunter. Nobody had ever taught me how to catch anything. I didn't know how to make weapons or what berries were poisonous and which weren't. I didn't know how I had and would survive.  Maybe this, right here, was the end for me.

I was so hungry now I could already smell food. It was a ridiculous delicious smell and I found myself standing up and following it.
I knew that it was just a hallucination but it was better to chase that than die miserably. And anyway, there was nothing that hadn't been a delusion for two months. Imaginary food was better than not having anything to eat at all.

The hallucinated smell came from a hallucinated backpack. Carefully I approached it.  It didn't vanish as I drew near.
Until now it all had been voices, never before had I actually seen anything I'd imagined. I stared at it. Could it be? Was there really just a backpack lying in the woods? It seemed like an awfully  lucky coincidence but I was too hungry to care. I threw all caution into the wind and  desperately I flung myself at the backpack, ripped it open and rummaged through it.