Sweet Melody (A Haylor Fanfiction)

Chapter 46

Song for this chap:

Say Something - A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera

"Listen to me," Harry barely whispers and I turn around. He wants me to listen, but he goes around hugging Emma like that? Who does he think he is?

"Listen to you what, Harry?! I've gone through a whole fucking lot!" I raise my voice and it betrays me by squeaking.

And by that, he stays quiet. Not a word and then I realize a camera man walked past, I don't think he got footage, but I hope not. So I decide to stay quiet, wipe my tears and just go home. I cannot handle this anymore and I can't afford to stay longer with this knife stuck, hanging around in my chest. He leaves me with this all the time, many people gets used to this, especially me when it comes to horrifying 'worst case scenarios' but to me, it's really not. It's something you can never get used to. Never. It's a pain you always try to forget and you know deep down that you will never get it out of your head, but you tell yourself that the pain's gone, yet to face it all over again and that's what I hate most about it - the pain. It stabs you so suddenly and painfully that you feel like the whole world is tightening itself and huddling around you and it's the most uncomfortable thing.

I step in my car, which has now arrived and Harry steps in too, I scoot over as far as I can and stare out the window, huddling my legs that are now folded up, I dropped my shoes with a 'clink' and it falls down the car seat, pieces of crystals beaded on the shoe falls out, but I don't care. That's exactly what I feel like right now actually, pieces of me are falling out and even though it can be fixed, it's hard.

The uncomfortable silence screams as loud as it can and I regret putting a window between the passenger and the driver, since there' s no noise and no nothing.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispers suddenly.

"I've had enough of this shit, Harry. I'm- I just- I'm broke." I say and I feel like it, every syllable of the words take a piece of my heart out of me and it all floats to him. All of it. I gave all of myself to him and by all, I meant every bit of my love, courage, certainty, hesitation and trust.

"I'm sorry." He repeats his old, repeated words that I've heard so many times. "I really am." He finishes.

"So you can go around and say that you're sorry and just let it float in, so it'll eventually fill my mind until I forgive you? Go on and think that, but it's not happening, Harry." I squeak out. I feel so damn small. It's all unknown, over my head, it's not even in the back of my mind that he'll eventually get back with Emma. I feel like I'm stumbling off a large cliff and I'll get hurt soon, but I'm stopping myself because I cannot let my trust blind me. Well, it already did. I put my trust into this man and I had the courage to make love to him when all he thought about was having sex and not love. I knew it. I know all those loops now. I'm not going back to those cycles anymore.

"I can explain." He simply replies.

"You've said these sentences over a million times and I am more than welcome to give every pride and affection to you, but you've done this too many times, that I've come to the conclusion that it's not worth it anymore. I don't feel like you're really grasping every bit of my all that's been delivered to you all this time. I can't do this, I'm giving up, Harry." I say and the car stops at my house, so I open the car door and head out, wiping my tears, leaving one of pair of heels in the car, accidentally kicking the other pair out, making crystals fall even more, but I don't care.

I open the door and find Meredith asleep on the stairs, Harry follows me through the door and I wince at his tall presence, towering over my small, huddled body.

"I can't." I cry and he pulls me into his chest, but his touch no longer affects me, it doesn't do anything to my mind anymore, so I push it off, leaving Harry with a disappointed face.

"If you choose her and if you still love her then why do you want to stay with me? Is it because of the contract because I am more than welcome to go to jail for you. Go on, break the contract, cancel it. I mean it." I stop to wipe my tears, flooding my cheeks, slipping into my lips. "If you choose her, then go. It's not my decision, do whatever you want now. You aren't mine and I guess I'm not yours. So go." I cry once more. Letting the pain take over my quivering mouth that doesn't have the strength to speak on it's own and stand on it's own.

My red lipstick turns pale and I am making a mess of my face, but nothing matters in this situation because the uncertainty fills the air as I inhale every inch of it.

But what stuns me the most is that when I come back and senses reality from my blurred black out, Harry is out the door. I don't know why or even when, but I'm sure that all I said was true. He doesn't love me and with the footsteps he took out my door, he took not only his appearance from my eyes, but he took my pride.

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Eek! The suspense is back guys!!

I missed you guys so this double update was written right after Chapter 45 :)

Love you loves the most.

Sorry for the typos. x

 

Yours Truly,

SwiftandShums x :)