you are lovely

1 - I Can't Love You

 * The Guy Above is Aubrey ↑

I slam my locker shut before making my way to the exit. School is over for the day and I want to talk to Aubrey before he gets on his bus.

  "Danny, wait!" I hear my friend, Kylee, call after me.

  I turn around and look at her, "Yes?"

  "What's the rush?"

  "Aubrey," I reply, "I wanna talk to him."

  "You're crush on him is so cute. You two need to get together!" she exclaims.

  "He's dating Alex, though. She's a popular girl. I'm sure he'd rather date her than a genderfucked transboy." I reply. "Plus, he's heterosexual. I can't love him."

  "You can, he'll come around one day. I'm sure he has the same feelings for you, but he's too scared to come out," Kylee says, "I mean, he's pretty flamboyant around his guy friends."

  "That doesn't mean anything. Jake is flamboyant as well, but he's straight."

  "Right..." Kylee says, "I'll let you go meet Aubrey. Good luck."

  "Thanks."

  "You're welcome," she says as she walks away. She's probably going to her boyfriend, Aiden. I'm so glad she's heterosexual. That means we can talk about boys together!

  I make it to the exit door and walk out to the bus lot. I catch Aubrey just in time.

  "Hey!" I greet him.

  "Hello," he replies, "What are you doing? Besides trying to find your bus."

  "Oh, um, I may listen to some Black Veil Brides later," I say.

  "With Andy Ballsack?" Aubrey replies. He makes fun of Black Veil Brides' lead singer, Andy Biersack's, last name a lot.

  "I'll see you tomorrow," he tells me when we pass bus sixty-four.

  "See 'ya," I reply. I then make my way to bus nineteen. I hate that bus. Everyone is mean to each other. It's where I'm bullied the most.

  I walk up the steps to board the bus. The bus driver isn't sitting down at the driver's seat. He probably had to talk to Mr. Walker, the head coordinator of the campus's transportation services.

   When I pass by a certain sixth grader named Ryan, my beanie is snatched.

  "Give that back!" I demand. This boy and his friend, Wyatt, have tortured me since fifth grade.

  "No," he replies, "Goth freak."

  "I'm not goth, I'm emo. Now give me my beanie back!"
 
  "No!" he replies. I can't believe I, an eighth grader, is letting a sixth grader bully me. This is pathetic.

  I sigh in annoyance, and try to grab it. He jerks it away from me. My fingertips brush up against it. I miss.

  "Too slow!" he cheers.

  I try to grab it again, but I miss. This continues until I lose my temper. I slap him and grab my beanie. Now, I'll be in trouble; even though he started it.

  "She hit me!" he exclaims.

  She. He used the pronoun she. He misgendered me. He fucking outed me in front of everyone. That's enough to make me want to run away, hide, and cry.

  "Okay, that's enough. Danny is obviously a boy. Fuck off," a girl that is unfamiliar tells Ryan.

  "No she's not! She just got a hair cut and a flatter chest. That doesn't mean anything!" Ryan counters.

  "He also started hormone replacement therapy. Also, he was never a she, he just had to fight to have a male body. Now, you either respect him or leave him alone!" the girl exclaims.

  Ryan scowls and sits back down in his seat. He rolls his eyes and crossed his arms. He's obviously pissed.

  "Thank you," I tell the girl that helped me, "What's your name?"

  "Alex," she replies.

  "How come you stood up for me? You don't even know me."

  "Well, Danny, I am agender, hence the androgynous style. I know what it's like to be misgendered. Not many people use they/them pronouns for me," Alex replies, "Come sit with me! We must be friends!"

  They take my hand and drag me to their seat. They sit down first, and take the window seat. I sit down on the beside them awkwardly.

  "So, what's up?" they ask.

  I bite my bottom lip. Socializing isn't one of my strong suits. It hasn't been since first grade.

  "C'mon, I know you talk!" Alex says.

  "Um, I, uh, I am passing all of my classes, I stay on social media all of the time, Adore Delano is my main obsession, and Dragula is the best show ever," I explain.

  "Ah, you're into Drag Race. I was when I was in seventh grade. My favorite queen was either Bianca Del Rio, or BenDaLeCreme," Alex replies, "I even had a shirt that said: 'Bianca Del Rio is my spirit animal.'"

  "I have a shirt that says: 'Adore Delano is my spirit animal!'" I reply.

  "We need to wear our shirts tomorrow!" they suggest.

  "Yes!" I exclaim.

  "Even though my friend will probably start shipping us since she ships Biadore. She always fangirls when they post pictures together. I find Biadore cute, but I see them as platonic friends only," Alex explains.

  "I ship it," I say, "but I respect your opinion."

  "As do I. Anyways, got any crushes?" Alex asks.

  "...yeah" I reply.

  "Same! I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours," they say.

  "Okay," I say, "I have a crush on," I lean in and whisper the last part in their ear. "Aubrey Lopez."

  "Oh my gosh, my brother is friends with him! He could totally hook you two up!"

  "No! Aubrey is dating someone. He's happy with her, too. Plus, he's heterosexual," I explain.

  "Bitch, I think the fuck not," Alex says, "Have you seen the way he acts in the locker room with other guys? Honey, he acts as queer as Ross Mathews."

  "Really?" I ask.

  "Yeah," Alex replies, "Anyways, I have a crush on Ava Knight. She is definitely hetero, but that doesn't mean I can't like her!"

  Alex and I laugh. We continue taking. I learn that they are in eighth grade as well. They're in Mrs. Edwards's class. They've been watching me to make sure I am okay, too. That's nice to know. I now know that another eighth grader cares for me.