THIRTEEN // Jayden Seeley

// VOICE //

The next morning I wake up numb. I feel nothing. I seriously feel like I could be hit by a train and not feel a thing. That's until I hit my head on the side of my bed. I hear the sound of voices coming from outside my room and I can tell they are those of Josh and Ini. As much as I would rather stay in the warm comfort of my bed, I decide to get up and see what all the noise is about. 

"Why are you awake this early?" I groan, not bothering to look at the time. 

"Dude, it's one in the afternoon," Ini says, pointing to the clock on the microwave. "We just thought we should let you sleep."

I nod, sitting down at the dining table, then running my hands through my messy brown locks.

"Dude, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but we played 'rock, paper, scissors' and I lost, (Y/N)'s grandmother called and they've set a time and place for the funeral." Ini looks pained as he slides a piece of paper over to me where he had written the details down.

Josh stands there for a minute clearly thinking about something, before speaking up.

"We, um, spoke to her grandmother, who was definitely still grieving very hard, and she said that there was no 'note' or anything left behind. Have you told her family about the videos? They could be the only thing she left behind." He says, also looking pained.

"No," I say. "But I guess I should."

"How about I do it?" Josh suggests as he can see my eyes begin to water.

"No!" I exclaim, louder than I meant to. "It needs to come from me."

I then pick up the phone and dial the number on the piece of paper. After three rings, her grandmother answers, and I tell everything. I can hear the desperation in her voice as she tells me to watch them all, as they are the only message her now dead granddaughter has left behind.

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Eventually, Josh and Ini head back to their own homes to shower and get changed. It was hard to convince them to leave, but I was able to convince them that I would be fine on my own. 

While they were gone, I made a headstart on the second video. I plug in my laptop, close the blinds and turn off the light. I then pressed play - This part was titled 'Voice'.

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*The second thing on the list of things I love about you, is your voice and how much I adore it. The sound of your voice always made me safe, and at home. I will admit, I saved a couple of voicemails you once left me, so I could play them whenever I needed them. I would also listen to withcon interviews that were on youtube. I swear I could recite some of them... I would particularly do this on my most anxious days as I knew it would calm me down. 

Jayden, you were honestly like my real life superhero and I don't think I could ever thank you enough.*

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I pause the video, my chest feeling heavy. I get up and walk around my kitchen, trying to feel normal again. I can't help but think to myself: 'if I was her superhero, why couldn't I save her?'

I pick up my phone from the kitchen bench. I hadn't looked at it properly in a long while. Of course, I had used it to call (y/n)'s grandmother, but I hadn't been paying attention, I just went to the keypad and dialled the number. It had been going off nonstop for the last three days and I couldn't bring myself to respond to anyone's messages or calls. 

I opened up my phone, my eyes getting lost in the picture of her on my home screen. My chest felt heavy and I was filled with a new emotion - I think anger. I stare at the picture for not even another second before it tips me over the edge, causing me to throw my phone at the living room wall - doing damage to both the wall and my phone. I don't pick it up, just run my hands through my messy hair and go back to the couch. 

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*This takes me back to what I was saying about the day I met you. Of course, I was drawn to your smile, but the smoothness of your voice was next level. You would always tell me that you hated your voice, but I always thought it was... sexy.*

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Right as I paused the video, the doorbell rang. It hadn't been half an hour yet so I didn't think it would be Josh or Ini, but as I opened it, I was surprised to see Ini's face.

"I left my keys behind." He says, "I tried calling you but you didn't answer." 

As soon as he says that, a guilty look grows on my face.

"Um, yeah, about that, I may have thrown it at the wall. It smashed really bad, and now there's a hole in my wall that I'm gonna have to fix." 

Ini looks shocked and frustrated at the same time. "I knew we shouldn't have left you alone."

Ths causes me to roll my eyes. "I'm not a baby, I can take care of myself."

Ini sighs and follows me to the couch.

"Jayden, we know you aren't a baby, but like we said yesterday: sometimes we do irrational things when we're grieving. It's okay, but we just don't want you doing too much damage." 

"I know you guys mean well," I say. "But I also need time to grieve on my own too. It's a healthy thing to do." 

Ini nods, "Okay, but after you get a working phone." I nod in return before pressing play.

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*Not only did I love your talking voice, but your singing voice. Ugh, it's so beautiful, I love it. I still remember the first I convinced you to let me hear you sing in person. It was during that storm when all the lights went out. I couldn't sleep so you pulled out your guitar and started playing an amazing version of Voldemort, which I loved. I loved it more than anything. Once again, my love, you have made it to the end of another part of my goodbye, and since I want your voice to be the last one I hear, it's my turn to press play.*

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The last 12 seconds was a voicemail I once sent her when I couldn't wait until our date the next day to tell her that I loved her.

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Hey guys,

I'm sorry this took so long. I've already handwritten the next chapter so I'm going to type that up now.

I hope you liked this.