thoughts

feb. 11, 11:15 pm

In Bloom by Neck Deep

I think the worst part about building relationships on the internet, whether platonic or romantic, you don't ever really become a part of their life. Unless you spend time with them in person, it's hard to actually integrate yourself into someone else's world. You can talk to them everyday, all day if you want, and you still would be lacking components of reality. The scariest part isn't that they could be "cat-fishing" you or that they are a lie, the scariest part is the fact that if something happened to them you would never know it. You're not in their will and testament, you're not their next of kin, and you're not an emergency contact. So someone that you spend everyday talking to can be gone in a second and you would never know why. You wouldn't know the difference between if they were hurt or just stopped talking to you because they grew tired of you. That, my readers, is the most terrifying thing about internet relations. Let's get into today's story. This is for you, Z.

It's the first time we're to meet. My hands have been shaking the whole ride here; as I walk to the bench we agreed to meet at, I can feel my knees growing weak from nerves. The anticipation has been building for weeks and today I feel as though I'm on the verge of explosion. 

Rewind to yesterday. 

I flew into our choice city in the evening, the sun already setting and the hum of crickets beginning to grow. My stomach dropped in sync with the dropping of the plane onto the tarmac. I laid back in my seat and closed my eyes, taking deep breathes and working to calm the swarm of butterflies in my stomach.

It's all real, all happening. What started as an innocent friendship on that blue website has lead to the next days' moments.

Fast forward to now.

I'm sitting on the bench, absent mindedly scrolling through social media; something to do with my hands. I can vaguely feel my leg bouncing in rhythm with the pace of my heart but don't do much to stop.

I hear leaves rustling and grass shuffling and my breath hitches. Time stops. There is movement behind me and I don't have the nerve to see if it's you. The young woman then walks past me and I see her sundress blowing in my peripheral vision. I let out the breath I was holding and shake my head slightly, urging myself to calm the nerves that are pulsing like bees through every part of my body.

I'm distracted, looking back down at my glowing screen with the last of the sunlight kissing the horizon and melting into night. My thumb slides up, double taps, slides up, double taps, repeat. I don't pay attention to who's picture's are being liked and it doesn't matter.

It's in that moment of utter distraction that your hand falls on my shoulder. Your slender fingers brushing the stray hairs from my exposed shoulder and my neck turning ever so quickly so our eyes lock. It's in a second that I'm on my feet, your arms roping around my waist in an embrace of introduction.

I can't help the elation that meets my face in the form of a smile as my face nestles into your neck. I hear your laugh, a chuckle really but it is the kind that shakes the whole frame. Your shoulders jostling beneath my arms and chest expanding against mine as you lightheartedly laugh at my excitement.