Message in a bottle The untold story.

What's Wrong?

I had to talk to myself? Hey dude! What's Wrong?

it is like I put ALL-IN my in terms of efforts and sacrifice. and my savings and my precious time  to me a someone. A someone who I am not.

I DID accomplish BIG part of the goal, then why I keep asking mysleft in which direction am I heading?

Then what am I searching for?

We are told in this situation do what your hearts tells you. follow your  intuition... 

Surprisingly, an illegally my heart mentioned her name. I was like 

"no no no" no way, she is taken, I can't even think of that, I am taken too."

I do not hide it from yourself, but in which direction am I heading? What haven't you got?

Why I am I still like thirsty after all I did for myself, I have changed my eating habits from strict dieting to fast food. To be like "in". I have my office in the city. I am an entrepreneur.  Why is happiness was there, it's all gone now.

I used to be a night wolf and now I took my sleeping pills to have my need hours of sleep. All seem okay. I am loved, liked. Just this sadness won't go away. how to persuade myself.

But this heart of mine is not attaining any peace? Why she is staying in my memories.

I feel like she is connected to all my "childish" and "weirdo" goals. Now i am respected. I wear classy clothing, but was that how I wanted to dress to go to work? NO

I happy when i wear my baggy pants, my wrist band my crazy hair styles. my boots. but, GRRRR. Why I can't stop thinking about these days. Have I died?

Why do I want to blame her guilty of this agony? May be because of her words, her look, which impacted me so much that now this is repenting on me. 

Oh now. I'm now why my mind and my heart keep wanting her. It is illegal. How to detox me myself from her now.

If only I could turn back time. When I chooses NOT to wear my glasses even I am myopia, I was a rebel, now I am wearing it full time, whole day. To fit in? To have the director look? because the doc said so?  

Now Why I am even taking like that? Have a part of me died. Have I become like those I never wanted to be? Have stop living and started just existing?