broken bits

chapter 2

Craving was the problem and he was her solution, but he wasn't here and to be honest she was scared. Scared to let him back in , scared to once again fall in love with the one who always finds a way to break her.

Because she was scared, she committed a sin. She went to another thinking that he would love her like her lover could, thinking that he could maybe be better but in truth he wasn't. He wasn't gentle like her lover was, he wasn't loving he wasn't willing to give himself up for her ,it was more about him being pleased and her physical appearance.

But with her lover she was the one who deserved his all and she gave him her all, because she felt she could trust him. Her lover is the only one who knows how to be with her, how to treat her and ,how to handle her. The only problem was that he couldn't fight for them, he couldn't fight for her or their love at all.

He just left like he always did. He didn't know how to deal with their problems and she didn't know how to beg him to stay because, before him the one man who was supposed to always be there was never really there for her. He abused her emotions and she never ever felt worthy of life. She didn't treat her body right. She didn't really care what happened to it. It was beaten, trespassed, harassed, broken down and left to starve. She never felt like she was a women. She felt like a man and the way her life was going it was safe to say that in reality she was walking around as a man.

She was living life as a man. She thought like a man. But she still had some woman in her. As much as she tried to hide it, she was and will always be a girl. She wouldn't accept it though because it wasn't what her father wanted.

So now when her lover chose to love her for who she really was and is and will always be, the real her that she couldn't find, she fought him she pushed him , abused him, and she broke him and even though he stayed and she fell painfully in love with him, he was still human. Meaning he could hurt her when she finally opened up to her true being. When she no longer wore a mask, when he had seen all of her, inside and out. When she finally became an open book but this book was only for him to read.

When he finally took the time to sit down and read, she couldn't believe it. She then tried to close off but he would plead and plead, asking her to please let him in, let him read. And she let him in once more. Until it seemed as though the story was getting boring the pages were getting longer and the graphics were gray and bran then he closed off on her , leaving her cold and she then closed off on him and pushed him away and this time instead of fighting for her, he let her close her heart off.

Now she's lost, and she's fighting for her life.
But she still wishes that he was still by her side.
Fighting this battle together like they used to. Now she's fighting alone and is torn in every way.

She needs him but he doesn't need her.