The Self Esteem Book

| The Present |

Pay attention,
Every time you insult me 'jokingly'

I'll force a smile.

Do you think I want to be reminded of my flaws?

I have a mirror and I dwell on them everyday.

I see the size of my thighs.

Or my stomach.

I see the length of my hair.

Or the pimple that pops up.

I see everything that I CAN'T CHANGE.

WILL YOU STOP REMINDING ME?

CAN YOU TELL ME THAT I LOOK BEAUTIFUL EITHER WAY INSTEAD?

I can't keep trying anymore because it feels like I'll break apart some time soon.

You're affecting everything.

You act as if I'm a target, and you dont see what I go through.

You dont see my thoughts.

× ×

I wrote a poem as an assignment for my English teacher before she went away and I read it to the class.

I started off "My mind is a dark place and I'm afraid to go there alone."

I told you about my scars, I told you how I felt, subtly.

And you were quiet, you were stunned.

I thought you finally knew what you did to me, that you understood.

BUT YOU CAME THE NEXT DAY WITH THE EXACT BULLSHIT THAT I WARNED YOU NOT TO SAY..

One day I'll blow up in your face and in return you'll accuse me of acting out.

But that's just the present.

It occupies my mind while the past looks for more memories to haunt me with.

What's going on in your head?