Rowaelin+Feysand

Chapter 3

Cassian P.O.V

What was I going to blackmail her with?  She kept her secrets so well hidden... but I knew this was the only possible way to get her to tell me. To be honest, I hated doing this to her, but... feelings couldn't get in the middle of what was bothering her.

You'll what?" she sneered. She was pretty much putting nails in my coffin. She was right. I knew she knew that I had nothing to blackmail her with. "Huh?"  

"I... know your secret." I tried.

"Oh please." She rolled her eyes. "Which secret are we talking about here? You fools do not know the first thing about me, so everything is a secret."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Really, Nesta? Two can play that game. Well, I know one of your secrets and a big one, by the looks of it"

"Well, what is it?" she sneered. "Go on."

"Uh..."I started. What would I say? "I won't say."

"Is this still about the "thing" I'm keeping from you? If it is, then let me say that, yes, there is something, and no, you can not blackmail it out of me. " she confessed and denied at the same time.

Damn. She was playing the game and playing it good (guys I realize this is not grammatically correct but it sounds cooler so meh). Well, there was only one more thing that I could do. Only one more possible option that might persuade the most stubborn person in all the worlds.

"Truth for a truth." I heard myself say. "If it is about me, then I'll say something about you that is a secret, and in exchange..."

Wow. I felt like such a little kid, bargaining with secrets. I was an Illyrian warrior, one of the strongest of my kind, and yet here I was clutching at straws, trying my hardest to squeeze information out of an indubitably strong-minded, unyielding female. Why I had no clue, but something was bugging her and I needed to know, Territorial much? An exceedingly annoying voice echoed in the back of my head. Well, she is your mate after all... Stupid voice (Read: Fandom). 

"What do you say?" I asked, not tolerating the penetrating silence.

Nesta turned on her heel and walked away

"No," I whispered, then burst into action. I would hate myself even more than I did, but it was worth it. It was Nesta, here. I closed the distance between us with one fluid motion, stood in front of Nesta, and threw her over my back like a sack of potatoes. I felt her thrashing and pounding but did not yield to her an inch.

"I'm sorry Nesta, I have to do this," I whispered. At first, I did not think she heard me but I was soon proven wrong.

"No, you are not sorry Cassian. You enjoy this don't you, the bastard- born nobody you are. You enjoy feeling powerful, and almighty. Well, guess what? Time to grow up, because you are not the one in control here. You can not control the level of loathing I feel for you. When you come near, all I want is to run away. From you. The child nobody wanted. Well, that has not changed at all. Nobody cares for you, least of all me. So, Cassian, go ahead, do what you want; I'll tell you. But remember, you are not worthy of anyone in the Inner Circle, not even those in the court of nightmares. Everyone here tolerates you, although they want to be as far away from you as physically possible." she spat at me. 

She had plunged a knife into my heart and was twisting it deeper and deeper, deeper and deeper. I had already known so many of these things, yet every word was acid, that hurt me not physically but emotionally, mentally. There was now a gaping, festering, hole in my chest that I knew Nesta's love would never fill. It used to be just a rip in the fabric of my heart, but now... An abyss. She had no idea about the mating bond. She did not suspect. Well, at least since I knew what her response would be, I could tell her. There would be no surprise there. Maybe it would rip the hole a bit more, but at this point, it did not matter. I would rather have that than have it hanging over the hole like a storm cloud, a ghost that would never cease to exist. I may as well get the inevitable rejection over and done with.

I placed her gently down. She was blurry. In fact, everything was blurry. Stupid tears. I went to wipe them away but then realized that I did not care if Nesta saw the broken, raw, unhealing parts of me.

"Nesta, I have something to tell you." I tried to start gently.

"Like hell you do!" she snarled. But then, as she noticed my eyes and the silver lining that adorned them, all the light diminished from her eyes. Suddenly, she looked like she was in pain. "Are you alright?"

I went to nod, but then remembered that after this, she would hate me anyway, so why not give her the full experience?

"Nesta, does it look like I'm fine? Listen here, I know that you are not going to like what you are going to hear, and I already know what is going to happen. But, to be fair to you, I'll tell you." I inhaled deeply. "Nesta, you are my mate."

Nesta P.O.V

When I said those words, I knew that whatever chance there had been between us was gone. I had said those words to keep him from ever guessing, but I went deep. I wondered if he knew that these were all complete and utter lies. I could not tell him I... loved him, although it may be true. So I told him the exact opposite. The lies. The bitter twisted lies. He was so insecure, and I used it against him. I knew he thought he was worthless to everyone and bastard-born, but although he might not have been born in proper circumstances, it did not make him a bad person. And he was not worthless to anyone. He was not worthless to me. The opposite.

He placed me down and looked me straight in the eye. "I need to tell you something." he gently muttered.

Why did he look so broken and shattered? Surely not because of what I said, they were so plainly lies. And where was the spunk, and the temper? Where was the Cassian I knew? The annoying, yet sweet Cassian?

So, in hopes of getting his spirits back up, I snarled. "Like hell you do."

Then I saw the water in his eyes. I had never seen Cassian show sadness, much less cry. he'd hidden it well. Now it was as if he'd given up. As if... He did not care. I had to break my indifferent facade, just this once. It was clear he was hurting. Because of me. And even though I could not show how much I cared...

"Are you alright?" I heard myself say. What a stupid, stupid question. Of course, he wasn't alright. His next words proved it. 

 Anger flashed in his eyes as he nearly yelled: "Nesta, does it look like I'm fine? Listen here, I know that you are not going to like what you are going to hear, and I already know what is going to happen. But, to be fair to you, I'll tell you."  

What? What was he talking about? 

He breathed deeply, and apology seemed to flash in his eyes. Then he dropped the bomb. "Nesta, you are my mate."

Oh. Oh. Oh Cauldron. It was true then. Cassian was my mate. Cassian was my mate. The person who would see me through thick and thin, no matter what. Cassian was my mate.