TO HAYDEN FROM BELLA

"Okay"

For the past few weeks my encounters with Hayden have been pretty awkward since he came over but my love for him grew tremendously each day. 'What happened?' i thought. We had so much in common and related to each other so effortlessly. Overthinking was my specialty so here we go. What if he just doesn't like me? Did i do something that he dislikes? Is he just actually focused on schoolwork? But who ever is? Him?

We had our production exam coming up soon so I thought to myself that he's just busy preparing for that. But then he's in my group and we're already prepared so what else can it be?

I kept searching for words to describe my love for him but I couldn't find any. Sometimes I felt like I couldn't contain it. It felt like hot molten lava was leaking out of the cracks of my heart flowing through my veins looking for a way to get to him. I tried so hard. I've told him I loved him in eleven different ways. I've dropped hints everywhere... but nothing.

Days passed by and we would just awkwardly glance at each other. I tried to talk to him once but when I followed him into the classroom he just disappeared. I thought I looked so stupid trying to chase this boy. I've learnt from my grandmother that the flower doesn't chase the bee. The bee goes to the flower. Well me on the other hand I perhaps thought i was Miranda from Shakespeare wanting to propose to Hayden like he was my Ferdinand but this is not the 17th century.

I decided to give it a break and let him come to me which was very hard by the way. Eventually I started thinking he had to be naturally stupid to not notice any of this. I wanted him and I wanted all of him. Our conversations over text messages were totally different from those awkward encounters in real life and it bothered me. On the phone it felt like a relationship, the relationship my heart wanted so badly.

Finally one night I couldn't hold it in anymore. The night before our production exam I had no control for the love inside of me
that could not contain itself,
that was spreading as fast as smoke disperses into the air from fields of wildfire. We all know how conversations switched up after midnight. Why did I do this on the phone? I don't know. Such a horrible idea. I texted him.

1:47am

Me: Hey you up?

Hayden: Sleep is for the weak. Its early Sunday morning. No pun intended.

Me: So we need to talk.

Hayden: Yeah we really do.

I proceeded to type for the following fifteen minutes erasing and fixing my sentences perfectly.

Me: I'm going to extremely cheesy and honest. So from the first day i've met you I felt like things just clicked between us. Something just keeps drawing me towards you. Maybe its because I don't have any friends.. well I do have friends but I just don't talk to them as much because we aren't as close as we are. I really admire everything you do. I sound like a stalker but please don't think of me in that way. You've been there for me in ways people in my entire live have never been. Its like when you rescue a homeless kitten and they never want to leave you because they appreciate it so much. But its not just that. We... you.. You're an amazing person Hayden and... I think (well not that i know anything about love my last relationship was crap and plus i'm just sixteen) BUT I think i've fallen in love with you.... Please don't stop talking to me I hope you're not one of those because it took me really long to gather up the courage to type this out to you. And i feel like if youre ignoring me because i've dropped so many hints. But I love you Hayden.

Ten minutes after

Hayden: Okay

Me: Okay?

I waited for a reply but got none

2:11am

Me: Hayden are you there?

2:33am

Me: Hello?

What've I done? Overthinking galore. I began feeling so nervous and I didn't know what to do. I waited up till 3am for a reply, but none and the next day was our production exam. I had to see him and perform with him after this really sensitive conversation. Boy was I really dumb!

I went to sleep and woke up midday that same day, Sunday. Checked my phone and still no reply. This made me more nervous and agitated. It's not like if I had any girl best friends to talk to either so it was the worst. I checked his 'last seen' on Whatsapp  which read 1:49am. I got fed up of reopening his chat so i just left my phone on it. The day dragged by slowly and painfully. I tried to keep myself occupied by reading books and playing games, most importantly preparing for my exam tomorrow. Doing these things was extremely hard as I suck at multitasking and cant think about Hayden and do and normal things that humans do because it just wasn't possible for me. 

I looked out my window and starred at the moon, wishing upon every star because one isn't enough, until sleep devoured me.

The next day I went to school. We spent the whole day in the drama room because of them exam. He came to school late. Honestly everything he did made me more and more nervous and mad at the same time. He was already sending me crazy and we weren't even together. He glanced at me and smiled.

What was that supposed to mean? I was so mad I didn't even smile back. He noticed and mouthed in my direction "Chill".

In my head I was like, chill? excuse me? I tried to contain myself for the exam. It went perfect except I tried really hard to pretend i was okay. Its something I should be able to do exceptionally but its hard every time.

At the end of the exam we met up in a room by ourselves. How appropriate. We seem to be in rooms by ourselves unsupervised quite often. Well you can imagine that argument. You wouldn't believe what happened though. I took my guitar that school that day for the exam. When he realized I was tense and basically couldn't shut up about what happened he took it from me and said "If you want this guitar you have to kiss me"

Well... I didn't know what to think. Millions of questions raced through my head before I did anything. He had the audacity? Where was he yesterday? The boy I love wants me to kiss him? Or does he want to kiss me? He left me hanging how could he just show up and pretend everything is okay? How could he be so hot? I'm sure he's playing with my feelings these boys are best to stay away from! I love him though.

I got up from the room and left. Because he left too yesterday didn't he? I had every right to.

He followed me. Thank God he followed me. I would've gotten more mad.. girls would understand what i mean. He was standing in a corner behind me. "Bella?" He called.

I turned around walked towards him and pushed him against the wall in the corner.

I think i pushed him too hard because he fell. I was going to kiss him! but he fell! It was so awkward. "Hayden i'm already mad with you don't make this worse get up now!" I said. I was a little demanding, I think too much but everything just worked from there. He got up and pressed his lips against mine. It was so magical. How do you describe things like this? We were just there in the corner a really small corner. I felt like the walls would burst because the love just exploded. The white walls suddenly turned red. It felt as if we were suspended in the air surrounded by sparks and fireworks.

"You're not getting away so easily" I said while I walked away with the rosiest cheeks ever.

22nd June, 2017.