Tell me why (l.p) [discontinued]

6

I slightly smiled as he walked in and greeted me after Kylie and Mark. He and Mark had a conversation over by the bar they have.

My stomach won't stop doing whatever the hell its doing. It's like all bubbly and I can't wipe this stupid grin off my lips. I mentally punch myself for letting myself come here. I should have just stayed home. Actually I shouldn't have moved somewhere where I have no clue who anyone is. I roll my eyes at my stupid thoughts and try to bring myself back to reality.

"Right Kelsey?" Mark says snapping me out of my thoughts. I look over at him.
"Uh, What?" He laughs a little.
"You and Kylie met at Starbucks" I'm not sure why that's important but I nodded anyways.
"Ha told you Logan!" Mark said throwing it in his face. Logan rolled his eyes and glanced at me smiling a little.

I sat on the couch and something flashed. No. Not right here. Please not here.
I stood up quickly and looked at Kylie.
"I'm, I have to go it was fun though" and before they could even ask I was out the door and literally sprinting to the stair case.

Once I got in my house I let the anxiety take over. I didn't cry but I felt my throat close up and I grabbed my inhaler from the coffee table and took s puff of the air.

I have an anxiety disorder, I literally freak out over the smallest things. People call me dramatic but I can't help it like if I see a spider I'll have an attack. It's scary not being able to breathe. And I haven't gotten help for it because I feel like I need to deal with it on my own. I don't tell anyone about my disorder because then they'll treat me weird and look at me before doing something making sure they don't trigger an attack.

I also suffer from severe depression. I tend to get down on myself a lot and I used to cut really bad. Now it's more just letting people say or do whatever because Im not strong enough to stop them. I can't do anything about what's going to happen. My throat will close preventing me to breathe and so I'll freak out and without my inhaler I could potentially die from losing air. And then I'll get down on myself and tell myself whatever happened was my fault.

Nobody needs to tell me to make sure I know. Because I'm very aware that I need help. I just don't want the help.

———
Just sort of a filler for ya. Chapters are quite boring but I'll try to make them more interesting.
Hope your enjoying and please vote❤️

All the love
Xx