One year ago, today I didn't think that I'd be going through what I am going through. When you are a twenty year old millennial from generation Z, there are a lot of things you are worried about. Basically, there is a whole world out there with whom you have to keep up. However, the last thing you would imagine would be for your life to stop abruptly. And sadly, that is what has happened to me. Yes, I am diagnosed with an incurable disease. So how do I feel now? Well, let's just say the whole month of February has been tough. A week since I haven't been able to sleep, and every night goes on with me crying and literally begging god to give me back my "normal" self and health and I continue to urge to him that I will never take my health for granted. However, I don't think that it will fix things. And at the end of the night, when I am wide awake at 2 am, all I can think of is how I am going to die young. That is okay. Yes, that is okay. But my biggest grief or sadness comes because I know that one day I wouldn't be able to have my own family, or heck, date anyone, or even get married. I can't be there for my sister and brother in future. I won't ever be able to buy something for my parents with my first salary and the people who I will be leaving behind. Ugh. It's hard to think of that. This gives me anxiety and makes me so sad and mad. Can you imagine? Just one day, you wake up and your whole life changes. Your whole perspective changes. This February has been filled with an immense heartache and sadness that I feel the need to share this with others. May be I have been bottling up for far too long. See, I don't want to dwell on any negativity and be like there is no hope. And I am not going to survive this. The Lord works in mysterious ways, but I want to be realistic. I know how sick I am. I can feel the pain within me as I write this too. If anyone ever reads this, I am going to ask you to do something. Something immensely important. Please please don't take your life and health for granted. Live your life. Face your fears. And please don't be scared to love and get your heart broken. Most importantly, forgive. Forgive. Forgive the people in your life. Forgive the ones who hurt you, who left you behind. One day you will go back to those days, and you will understand what a silly thing it was to hold on to that grudge. I guess these are the only things I wish to tell you and me both.
