A Day Without You

The First Sunset

I never moved on from that place. It sometimes feels like I keep standing still for years. It is a rather lonely feeling, everyone else moving ahead and living life... while I keep waiting to see the ghosts of my past.

I always stand in this park wondering, how everything looks the same as it used to and yet... it is completely different. The same swing, that same seesaw, the bench under the tree, the sandbox... everything is the same but rusted and old. The children from the neighborhood play here, like I once used to... with him. As I come here to enjoy the cold wind in my free time, I enjoy all the laughter and joy this place has... but I can't stop seeing myself with him, playing like we used to. I always see this boy, smiling and happily chasing around the skinny little kid in front of him. I was the latter.

I get scared sometimes, thinking how vivid my memory is when it comes to him. This is nothing new. He was the first ever friend I had... and also, the best one.

It was about 16 years ago, when he first came to the neighborhood. I still remember that day somehow, even though I was only 6 then. I know it seems absurd, even I get surprised thinking about it sometimes.

I got up at about 7 a.m. That was the usual routine for me when I had school. As I got out of my apartment, when finally going out the main gate, I saw a moving van parked near the end of the right hand lane. The adults were busy getting everything off of the van, but I kept seeing this little head jumping up and down behind all the others. I was unable to see the child's face at that moment. School was fun as usual, there was not much to do back then. The thought of coming back home and going to play in the park always had me on my toes. I didn't speak much with people then but, I got along with everyone. I enjoyed playing with the kids from the locality. As I returned, I ran up to my apartment, changed at lightning fast speed and got out again, running to the park. It was really close to the building we used to live in, so mother took her time to follow me. As I reached the park, something felt odd.

There was this new kid, someone none of us knew. He was standing at one side, a bit hesitant to get into playing with someone there. Somehow, he felt familiar. He was taller than most of us, but how his eyes followed everyone around, made me curious about him. I went towards him, tugging at his shirt's sleeve to get his attention. He turned his head to see me beside him and gives me one of the brightest smiles I've ever seen. I still remember how amused I was to see it. No one has smiled at me like that before.

His eyes glowed in the evening sun, doing his smile justice. "Hello there! I'm new here", he said with that smile of his still on his face. "My name is Hwitaek but you can call me Hui or just hyung!", he said happily, introducing himself loudly enough to get everyone's attention.

I guess he was waiting to do that, gathering up his courage and I just caught him at the right time. "My name is Shinwon", I said slowly, carefully pronouncing every word. I was rather scared inside, so I couldn't smile much. The other kids also wanted to know him a bit more and the fact that he's taller caught the attention of many. He smiled the same way for everyone. His voice was equally cheerful.

The evening went by in a flash. He didn't seem like an outsider anymore. He was better than us at most things and he was older than us by 2 years so he seemed cool to us. We were very easily impressed with him. We said our goodbyes and when I was leaving the park with my mother, I saw him follow us. I looked at him and there was that same smile of his. "We live in the same direction!" , he said as he shortened the distance between us, walking right next to me. He introduced himself to my mother, quite formally actually. As we reached our building, he said, "I live right there!", pointing at the building at the end of the right lane, the same building where the moving van stood in the morning. I now knew how that jumping head from the morning looked. "See you again tomorrow Shinwonna!", he said, as he waved goodbye while running towards his house. I felt happy when I saw he remembered my name amongst all the other children's.

I finally gave a smile, the biggest I could do at that time, waving happily at him from behind saying, "See you tommorow hyung!" When he reached his building, he gave me a final wave before going in.

I was quite looking forward to the next morning. Now, I've forgotten what that yearning used to feel like.