YouTubers Dan Howell and Phil Lester have been housemates for the past nine years. Is it finally time for that to change? Or is there something Or someone in their way? Or is it just MISCOMMUNICATION?
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Dan
I was looking through the footage Phil and I had shot for today's video and noticed how awkward we looked sat next to each other like that. I was making it awkward. Because the phandom was shipping us a lot recently and I did not feel very comfortable with that. Phil laughed and shrugged it off but it was really off putting having to give a negative response every time a phan asked if I was gay. Having a girlfriend who constantly asked to be a part of my videos or at least mention that we were in fact dating when I didn't want that part of my life being pried wide open for people to look at and judge was not very helpful either. If it were up to me, I would have dumped her a very long time ago. Hell, I would never have asked her out to begin with if it wasn't for my parents pestering me to get a girlfriend! I sound like the Scooby-Doo gangsters: "if it weren't for those meddling kids!"
But all that's out the window now. I have a girlfriend and it's God's grace she's halfway across the globe at the moment and hopefully for a lot of moments. It was rather easy, actually, catching a prey. I could tell from the first time we met her, the way she was swooning over me; pathetic really.
In our first collab with her, that she unoriginally titled 'Amazing Cat is not on fire', the attention she was paying me was blatantly explicit. Even the phans noticed and thankfully had the same reaction I did to it of not wanting to include her in our happy little circle. Sigh if only Phil had stood up right then and there and—he looked so lost in the video...
I asked her out in front of him to spite him because of a fight we'd had the day before when he commented that he found her pretty. My blood was boiling and I had to do something to trigger him.
He smiled.
And congratulated us when she 'yippee!'ed and said 'yes'. Then he went into his room and I was stuck entertaining Cat the whole day and he didn't come out again.
Sigh
And now, here we were, years later, Cat thinking everything's blissfully happy and Phil in his own little bubble of joy and wonder and gummy bears and only I am aware of the depth of this situation. My dark humour and dark clothes don't just stem from my depression, they come from protest. Can no one tell my entire aura is screaming for attention? I look so awkward with Phil touching my neck in the footage. Sure, I brushed it off as the 'thing with my neck' but it wasn't just that this time. It was him. His touch. His proximity. I've been walking around with this ball of fear and guilt at all times for the past nine years. Fear of judgement and the response I may get from him if I had laid myself out in front of him point blank all those years ago and guilt from hiding my true self.
From the first time my friend showed me an AmazingPhil video, I was mesmerised by his flirty attitude followed by extremes of innocence any heart would warm to.
Phil poked his head into my room, the door of which is always open, as is his, except while we need our privacy. "Editing?" he questioned, blue eyes glimmering mischievously. I mock-sigh and nod.
