Phan Fluff

The Past blows by Phast ;)

PHIL

I woke up in a decent mood until I sat up on bed and all of last night's events came hurling themselves back at me. my face drained of any colour it may have had before; I was now literal Voldemort. Great. Go out to talk to my best friend who found out I was gay and consequently bullied me for it looking and feeling like an upside down boat.

Brushing my teeth took me twice as long and the tiles on my bathroom wall were very intriguing today and finding the right clothes, another half-hour. Who was I kidding? I was stalling and I knew it.

With my hand on the cold door that didn't feel that cold since my hands were deathly cold and shaking, I took a deep breath before plastering a smile to my face and turning the handle and stepping out. I peeped into the lounge. No Dan there. I listened at his door. Nothing. I crept through the entire apartment but Dan was not home. Though this shud have made things easier, I was finding this worse. It meant he didn't want to even see me. Was I that repulsive? I looked in the mirror.

Who was I kidding? Dan would never go out with me. Even if he did like boys. I went back into my room and didn't come out again.

I heard the keys turn in the front door as Dan came back at midnight and heard his quiet, slow tread on the carpet. Would he come in here? Would he watch TV? Eat? Did he already eat?

I heard his bedroom door click shut and that's when the floodgates opened up. I thought this would be better. It was hell!

Day 2 went by the same way and so did days 3 and 4. Dan went out at exactly 6:00 a.m. and came back at around 3:00 a.m.; a perfectly scheduled plan to avoid me. And each day, the rip in my heart got a bit wider. Tuesday was the same and so I got up and got out of bed, hesitated for a second before opening and walking out my door, not even sparing a cursory glance toward the lounge for Dan. So it was a surprise when I heard the bolts in the main door slide open as I munched at some of my cereal.

Dan's hand came in first and it was a second before he peeped in, noticed me sat on the sofa and averted his eyes and walked briskly in.

I was so caught-off-guard that I sat dumbly staring at the TV for a while as he put up his coat and keys.

Silence. I felt him tense before he strained and managed, "Phil, can I have a minute?"

"Uh, sure," I said, sounding just as tense as him.

He was standing by the dining table, leaning over it in his only Dan and Phil tee, the one with our faces poking out the breast pocket, hair tousled by the winds and eyes grim.

He had a sheaf of papers in his hand that I only just noticed. I kept my eyes trained on them and let him speak.

"This is our rental agreement." I nodded, confused. He seemed uneasy as he continued, "I feel like I'm done living with a roommate and I want to move on and get a place by myself." He rushed

This took a while for me to understand what he meant. "You want to annul the agreement. Sign it off." I accused

"Just my part. You've always wanted a place to yourself too right, man?" he chuckled, off-beat. "I mean, we can't be roommates forever. We have to move on, get married, have kids, retire!" he gesticulated pronouncedly

"Have you found a place yet?"

"A few actually. I've been looking,"

"Or so I've noticed." He nodded slowly, "When are you—what are your—" I couldn't find the right words to finish my question.

"Soon." he looked uncomfortable, "tomorrow."

I felt like someone kicked me in the gut. "Oh."

"That's why I wanted us to sign the roommate agreement off,"

I signed with the pen he handed me even before he finished speaking. My hands were moving on their own accord, doing the tasks they ought to while my brain processed this day.

He pursed his lips in the way he does when he finds himself in an ironic situation, and raised his eyebrows in a kind of adieu and walked into his room.

I walked into my room in a daze and sat down with my back to my door. I could hear Dan pulling around stuff in his room, heard him swear as he dropped something, heard water flowing, more stuff being moved—packed—then, silence. It was 2:00 a.m. when the noises stopped and I heard no more. Dan had gone to bed. No heaped coal on his head tonight. I willed myself to get into bed—get up at the very least—but I didn't have the will to do so. I sat there and watched as the clock ticked by and sunlight eventually shone in, drawing the minutes closer to when Daniel Howell would no longer be in my life.

At 7:00 a.m., atypical for Dan, he made noises in his room and half an hour later, knocked on my door.

Ah! My legs still worked! Ah! So did my hands! Guess only my brain's in a haze. I looked into those same brown eyes that tried in vain to cover up what a big softie he was and felt a powerful urge to hug him. I resisted.

"It's time for me to go, buddy."

Even thought I knew he would say this, a thousand shards of glass cut through me. Maybe I could still salvage it? If only I told him to forget about everything that happened that night. That we could be friends again. Anything to save me from this agony!

"Can we talk for five minutes—"

"Sorry Phil. The cab's here. I just came to tell you I'm leaving." He looked hurried.

I needed to do something. Anything! Kiss him? Beg him not to go? Tell him I'd break if he left? Hug him one last time, to breathe in his sweet, warm, soap-mixed-with-cookie-dough scent?

"Bye Dan."

He smiled awkwardly and ruffled my hair. I must have looked pathetic. He turned, got his stuff and walked toward the door. "Need help?" I asked, anything to keep time on my side.

"Nah mate, I'm alright."

On his way down, he turned and bade one last farewell before he get in the Uber and went away.

Dan, just like the YouTube name danisnotonfire, was gone. Dan and Phil? More like Dan and Fail. I completely failed to deal with the situation and now I was left with a stupid house and no Dan.

I hated my life!