Love & Misfortune

School

Summer ended quickly and it seems like I've been in girl scouts forever. Some of the girls are my friends and some don't like me all too much. It might be because I'm not like all the other girls or maybe it's because I'm fat. Being 5'7" 187 pounds doesn't really look good. Nobody likes a chubby girl, especially a girl who's in girl scouts. It's so lame and embarassing being out there in uniform and selling cookies. To me it's just not a flattering look. But it's not so bad now especially with "school" starting for us, everything has seemed to calm down a bit.

My grandmother seems to like the homeschooling and is really commuted so far but I already know this isn't going to last too long. She's not that great in Math but she's good at English. She's also making us take "Bible" which is basically the history of God and Jesus and how everything came to be really. This was honestly the easiest subject but I mean it's a story I hear a thousand times since we have been going to this new church. I really don't like church only due to the fact that we have to get up early on a Sunday. I hate mornings so much and if I could I would wish that morning didn't even exist.

I kind of hate during the day that no one is here. My parents are at work all day and don't come home until 6 or 7. It gets really boring and we always have to clean. Being in a Hispanic house hold means that every day is cleaning day.  But the days my mom would stay home from work were like heaven. She would always take us out to lunch and wpuld just let us chill with her. My grandmother who really didn't like my mom just hated that fact that we would try and bond with my mom. She would always yell at us, sometimes she would be so mad she wouldn't talk to us for a day or two.

Sometimes it wasn't so bad because I would just ignore it but sometimes it would get physical. I remember one time I didn't know my mom had stayed home and we had school that same day. Before we would go to "class", which was the study, I decided that I wanted to shower because I felt disgusting. After my shower I went to the study and my geandmother just gave me the death stare. It felt as if there were a sniper rifle pointed right at my forehead. I paused for a second then continued to walk towards my chair. Not too long after my grandmother started to talk.

Grandmother- Why in the hell would you take a shower? You know your fucking mom is here

Me- I didn't know she was here until I got out, Valerie didn't let me know either.

Grandmother- because of you your mom is gonna think I don't teach y'all and that I let y'all do whatever.

Her frustration with me grew greater and she grabbed a ruler that I had at my "desk".

Grandmother- ( as she's hitting me and trying to bang my head on the table) I'm..so..damn..tired..of..you making me look so fucking bad.

She then forced me to go to her room and lay on the floor because she didn't want to see my face. I had never cried so much in my life and wish that I was dead. I just wanted all this to be over but it felt like it was never ending. A few hours passed and my mom talked to me saying she heard everything from her bathroom but she just kind of laughed it off as if it was nothing. My poor mom didn't understand what was happening and didn't know how bad it was. But sometimes I think she denies it because she doesn't want to think the worse.

But who knows, hopefully things can get better from here.....