by: peachykaix (tumblr)
The rain fell just loud enough for you to hear, the skies a beautiful but somber grey and the world feeling otherwise silent. The birds weren't chirping. The neighborhood seemed empty. It was just you. You and your empty apartment and your thoughts. The all consuming thoughts that made the silence seem so loud. His voice just kept replaying in your head, like the soundtrack to the otherwise quiet moment.
"I think she's the one."
Time alone with him was like a cruel trick. For those hours you could slip out of your mind and focus only on him and you and on how incredible it felt to pretend that Byun Baekhyun loved you. It felt like a dream to be in his presence, it always had. He wasn't just an idol to you but so much more. From the moment you'd met you could feel it, that pull to him every time he'd smile or laugh far too loud. He knew just how to get you to give into his crazy ideas and antics and as much as you pretended you hated it, you loved it. You craved it. You craved him.
Loving him was the biggest mistake you had made. Falling for someone who had no such feelings for you was bad enough, but it being your best friend was about a hundred times worse. The sting when he'd talk about others left a constant acrid taste in your mouth and there was no escaping it. You loved him too much to let him go, even if it meant feeling dejected and harboring the emotions in silence. You couldn't just give him up, in love with him or not, you were his best friend and he was yours.
When he had met her, everything felt like it took a great shift, not with him, but with you. The bitterness had grown more constant in your chest. You had manifested a disdain for yourself the more you heard about her. If you were pretty than she was beautiful. If you were a quiet song than she was a boastful ballad. If you were a starry night than she was a brilliant sunrise. You weren't undesirable, but she was more. You were the sarcastic comments and loud laughter that earned his friendship, while she was the beautiful smile and soft voice that earned his heart.
They'd been dating about a year and despite his constant touring and packed schedules, you could see him falling in love with her more each passing day. His every waking thought and moment was spent wanting her, thinking of her, missing her. You could see it in his eyes because you saw it in your own, that all consuming love that left you feeling breathless. The only difference was that she loved him as well and supplied him with the oxygen, while you were left feeling like your lungs were being ripped out.
You'd somehow managed to always have an excuse so you wouldn't have to meet her. She had met the rest of the boys several times and lately Baekhyun had been more persistent about you getting to. It wasn't that you thought you'd dislike her, it was that you knew you probably wouldn't, and somehow that made it all so much worse. If she was worthy of Baekhyun's attention than she was surely just as incredible as he was, with a shine so bright it was nearly blinding when you stared too long.
You'd spent your time practicing playing your piano, which was far too large and taking up too much room in your small apartment. It was your passion and your outlet the nights the hollow feeling in your chest was just a bit too much. Composing was your dream and while he was supportive he didn't have any idea that he was such an inspiration to the love songs.
It wasn't like you were depressed or wanted to disappear, if anything you just wanted your emotions to go away for a while. You needed a reset so you could go back to being oblivious to the feelings you felt. You wanted to be blissfully ignorant to how his touches and words could make you feel, but you weren't exactly sure how to get there. You couldn't deny you loved him romantically at this point, it was useless. You loved him down to your very bones.
One late night phone call when he'd been practically begging you to meet her after the tour finished, you'd been rattling off every possible lame excuse you could come up with. It wasn't until he quietly uttered those five short words that your excuses stopped flowing.
