Letters: A Troyler FanFiction

Chapter 11

Troye's P.O.V.

As soon as I settle into Tyler's embrace, my eyes focus onto the paper covered in his writing.

__________________________

Dear Troye,

Hi, it me.

I miss you.

I know it's only been one night but I don't care. It feels a lot longer. You're asleep now, and you look so peaceful. If I didn't know any better I would have thought you were really sleeping, not submerged in medical unconsciousness.

I feel awful, Troye. I wish I would have been able to help sooner.

I didn't know about the bruises. I wish you would have told me. Especially since I was the one making them.

After you went under, I stayed for a while. Well, as long as they would let me. I held your hand. I'm not sure if you could feel it though. I've been talking to you all day too, but I'm pretty sure you can't hear me either. So I'm writing, so you can read this when you wake up. They said it would only be a month but I can already tell it's going to be the worst month in a long time.

I couldn't sleep last night, not without you. Your flat is a lot more emptier without you. A lot quieter, and lonely too. A lot more than I prepared myself for.

Hopefully you'll get better soon. I know the coma will be good for you. To fight the leukemia. Does it hurt? In the dark? Or does it numb the pain?

I wish I could've taken your pain. It was hell watching you struggle to even move or breathe.

I was watching you die, Troye.

And I didn't know. You didn't know either, though. It'll be okay. It has to, right?

Sleeping was difficult. I only slept a few hours. I didn't sleep on your side of the bed though. I know how you'd get mad if I did. So I stayed on mine, but my hands felt weird.

You weren't there for me to hold. Your side is waiting for you. I am too.

I shouldn't be crying. But I am, Troye Sivan.

I should have noticed sooner that you weren't getting better. I should have taken you to the doctor sooner. Then I wouldn't be wondering if you could keep your promise.

All this, and it's only been one night.

I want you to get better. Please? You promised.

I'll be waiting. I promise.

-Tilly

__________________________

By the time I finish reading, I feel tears rolling down my cheeks. Tyler's grip on me softens and his hand is in my hair, brushing it across my forehead. His other hand wipes the tears from my eyes and I turn on my side slowly, and throw my arms around his waist with the paper still in my hand.

"Thank you," I say quietly. Tyler moves his other arm to hold me and begins delicately tracing patterns into my side.

I sigh and will myself to keep my eyes open. It doesn't matter if I had only woken up earlier today, because I know the chemo is making me tired. That and the fact that keeping food down isn't as easy as I thought it would be.

I let my eyes close for a minute, listening to Tyler's heartbeat and focusing on his hand moving across my side.

Tyler seems to notice how I couldn't keep my eyes open. "Tired?"

"Yeah," I admit.

"Do you want me, to, um..." he trails off, but I knew what he was saying. If I want him to leave the bed.

I pull myself as close to him as my arms will let me. "Stay."

Tyler is quiet for a moment. "Okay."

He lowers his hand to grab the paper that is slipping through my fingers and folds it a couple times before dropping it onto the chair pulled up to the bed.

I sigh again and bury my face into his chest, allowing myself to fall asleep to Tyler's steady heartbeat.

I'll read the next letter tomorrow.