Now is a Scary Word

Chapter 4

Jodie heaved herself to her feet and emerged from her room. Drawing in a breath, she exited the hallway and began making her way to the kitchen. She caught a glimpse of her mum's dress as she placed down her grocery bags and left to fetch the rest. Jodie approached the doorway, watching her mother returning with bags draped over her arms.

"How are you Jo?" cooed her mum, sliding the bags off her arms and reaching out to give her daughter a hug. Jodie accepted, and couldn't help but smile. Her mum had some.. strong opinions, but at the end of the day, it was her mum, and she couldn't help but love her unconditionally.

"I'm fine, - you?" Jodie could tell instantly how unsteady her voice was, but either she could hide it well enough that her mum didn't notice, or her mum just knew by now not to question.

"I'm good, work was busy as always. Anything exciting happen at school?" Her mum got to work on unpacking the groceries while continuing to listen. Jodie sat herself down on one of the barstools and began to speak; "Well, Kat got asked to a graduation party-dance type thing. She was really excited," Jodie's mum chuckled.

"Good for her. She is a pretty girl," She turned to face Jodie, "and what about you? Not going?"

"Well actually," Jodie began, rubbing her hand along the back of her neck, "I... am going.." Her mum's face contorted in a way that could only be described surprise, confusion and pride.

"Oh, well.. I'm-I'm glad, Jodie," she said and gave her a very honest smile. She crumpled the plastic bag she was holding and fumbled it into the dispenser. Jodie could tell that there was still a lingering question in her mum's mind... and to be honest, she was dreading being asked it.

"So.." Her mum began, obviously trying not to sound suspicious.

"Mum. I don't have a date, ok?"

"Ok, ok, ok... just wondering.. just wondering.." Her mum shot her a goofy grin and hissed out a laugh. Jodie, despite trying all her might, cracked a smile. Her mum meant no harm, just teasing. She knew that Jodie never went to parties, let alone ever had dates. However, the instincts of past experiences still rose, and the slight sting of embarrassment and hurt tickled the back of Jodie's throat. It didn't make sense, she knew that, but it was just said eerily similar to how her friends would taunt her before they headed off to parties with various males. After decoding this thought, Jodie did finally brush it off and continue speaking to her mum.

"Well, I don't really know what to wear... I mean, I've never been to a party,"

"Don't over think it," her mum replied, "Just do what feels normal and natural."

"What the heck is natural about wearing a skyscraper of makeup on your face?"

Jodie's mum sighed before continuing the conversation,

"You don't necessarily have to wear that kind of stuff Jo. You could show up wearing no makeup whatsoever, ripped jeans and a scrappy t-shirt for all anyone else cares. They are all so focused on themselves and how they look that they will hardly bat an eyelid at you."

The statement resinated with Jodie for a moment. It did make sense though. High school girls are unbelievably caught up in their own insecurities, Jodie not being any acceptation. She could recall on many occasions, especially in years prior, where she had come to school not wearing her usual makeup look and feeling unbelievably insecure. However, no one seemed to look at her differently or make fun of her. At the time, it seemed like a true miracle was shining upon the Earth, but it finally clicked years later.

"Thanks, mum" Jodie murmured. She picked herself up off of the stool and after reaching the pantry, gave her mum a tight embrace. Her mum rubbed Jodie's back reassured her; "You will be fine at this party, ok?" She pulled away and made eye contact with her daughter. "And if anyone, and I mean anyone does anything that makes you uncomfortable, don't hesitate to call me." Jodie felt comfort in her mother's words, and gave her a kiss on the cheek before returning to her bedroom.

Once the door was closed, Jodie sighed and shut her tired eyes. She ran her clammy hand over her face and up through her hair, then down along the backside of her neck. The commitment of the party was beginning to catch up to her. She could feel herself start to get anxious; that undeniable weight in her chest creeping back. Jodie once again flopped back onto her bed, pillows and blankets in dismay. 'Maybe if I talk to Kat,' she debated, 'her excitement will like, counteract my nervousness'. She stretched her arm out as far as possible in an attempt to fix her bag in her grasp. She groaned when the mission was failed. lifting herself up, Jodie dug through her backpack and retrieved her phone. She briskly flicked open her messages and shot one to her friend; 'Heyyy. Can we talk about the party for a bit?'

Jodie returned to her previous position on the bed, eyes still glued to her screen awaiting a reply.

'Yea sure babe, but can we Skype? I have something to show ya ;)'

Jodie rolled her eyes. She was fully aware that this surprise would just be something new Katherine had bought on her most recent shopping spree. She semi-reluctantly opened up Skype and soon the call came in. As the picture soared into full screen, Jodie noticed a peculiar shape peeking out from behind Katherine's shoulder. Her thoughts were quickly masked by Katherine's child-like voice.

"Jodie! Hi babe!" Her voice caused her computer's speakers to let out a shrill cry.

"Heh, Hi Kat," Jodie giggled awkwardly. She had never warmed to Skype, just felt foreign and odd to her. She continued to speak after a short pause. "So um, can we talk about the part-"

"Ohhhh that reminds me!" Kat interrupted with a toothy smile plastered on her face, "Look! Seth is over!" The young male poked his head in on the right side of the screen, waving with the hand that was perched on Katherine's shoulder. 'So that was what that thing was' Jodie confirmed with herself.

"Hey," he murmured with a cocky smirk. Jodie returned a half hearted, uncomfortable smile before he disappeared off screen once more.

"So you wanted to talk about the party?" Katherine queried, repositioning herself to sit in the middle of the screen.

"Um, yeah but I can see that you are a little busy and it's not really important.."

"You're nervous aren't you? C'mon girlfriend! We'll get you a great guy and you will have so much fun at the party, promise!"

"I know we're going to have fun.." Jodie heard Seth say in a low, sultry tone. Katherine peered over at him, and he quickly pounced on her, kissing her fiercely. Jodie watched, unsure what to do as the pair made out directly in front of her.

"I've got to go," Jodie spat out briskly, ending the call and clicking her phone off. "Well that certainly didn't help," she muttered. Sighing and gently tossing her phone up near her disorderly pillows, Jodie laid back.

The day had really knocked her around. She had the last of her final exams today, and that was enough to put her to sleep for 100 years. Then, on top of that she agreed to attend the biggest party of year 12, in which she would be expected to have a date, a perfect outfit and a face full of make-up, despite her mum's attempt to make her believe otherwise. Then, to top it all off, she subconsciously drew two women kissing each other, one of which was herself. By now, her brain was simply fried. It felt as if she could never have a normal thought again. Rolling over, Jodie buried her face into her pillow. Her eyes slowly heaved shut, and she was whisked away to a world of imagination.