Now is a Scary Word

Chapter 5

*Two weeks later (the last week of school)*

Jodie clasped her books all in one hand and lifted them up and out of her bag which sat on the end of her bed. She looked over them with a tinge of nostalgia and remorse. Although it was tough to leave this hugely impactful portion of her life behind, it felt like a beautiful book end to the period; like as if she was finally laying it all to rest. Her bag felt as if it was non-existent on her back and shoulders. The typical, routine digging of her straps was oblivious, and they laid with perfect curvature over her shoulders and upper back. Her spine was for once not forcefully hunched to conform to her bag's absurd and cruel weight, but rather could straighten, allowing Jodie to demonstrate a more mature and healthier posture. She squirmed under the unusual feeling. Her empty stomach let out a bitter cry, and Jodie grimaced. There was no time to eat; she was going to be ridiculously late as it was. She marched out of her room and slid through the front door, locking it one-handed on her way through before pulling it shut. Jodie paced down the driveway and almost tripped over her own foot. As she turned the corner of her street and began down the main road,

she was shocked to see Katherine only 10 yards ahead of her. Although Katherine was by no means a goodie two-shoes, she always made it to school on time, if not early. "Hey, um, Kat... Kat wait up!" Jodie's speech was broken up while she jogged up to join her by her side. Up close, it was apparent why Katherine was late. She very closely resembled a raccoon, or even a panda; her dark under eye circles were the worst Jodie had ever seen. Her eyes appeared to be constantly half closed; still, the bloodshot whites were highly pronounced.

"Hi Jodie," she croaked.

"Holy shit Kat, what the hell happened to you?" The concern in Jodie's voice was clearly picked up on by her friend.

"Heh, no need to worry," Katherine snickered, patting her on the shoulder, "just had a silly night, that's all."

"I-I don't understand.." Jodie stammered, still worried about her.

"Seriously Jodie?" she snorted, "can't you take the hint?" Katherine rubbed her hand over her face and wiped the sleep from her eyes. Jodie was getting frustrated with her antics and stopped her completely. Holding both her shoulders she urged; "Kat please, just tell me what happened. You know I'm worried!" Katherine groaned at her remark.

"Ok 'mum',' she joked, "Seth just.. slept over last night and let's just say we.. had some fun..." Katherine escaped Jodie's grip on her shoulders and continued walking with a delirium-induced swagger in her step.

"No no no no no, Kat!" Jodie raced back beside her, "Were- were you forced? Where is he? Did you use proper protec-"

"JODIE STOP!" shrieked Katherine, spinning around to face her and throwing her hands over her ears. Jodie looked bewilderedly at her friend. "Don't be such a grandma about everything! No I was not forced and yes we used protection. He left my place at like 6:30 before my mum came back from night shift, ok?" She rolled her eyes.

Jodie remained a few steps behind Katherine for the rest of the walk to school. She felt slightly betrayed in a way by her friend. All she was doing was looking out for her, and that was what she received? Luckily school wasn't far away, so Jodie's awkward walk of shame wouldn't be drawn out for much longer.

First session was uneventful, as it always was with math. On multiple occasions, Jodie glanced over at Katherine, and truthfully, she was silently praying for a returned look. It seemed as if Katherine was silently manipulating her to feel guilt where there was none to be felt on Jodie's end. She found it hard to admit to herself, but Katherine had been known to send these types of messages before. She often seemed as if she always wanted to be seen as the victim for sympathy, popularity, attention, what have you. Jodie's submissive and forgiving personality expressed some difficulties when exposed to these situations. She typically would begin to accept the fact that she was the one in the wrong, that she had in fact done something unacceptable and that she should feel tremendously guilty. No matter how many times Jodie directed her gaze over to Katherine, not once did she bother to make eye contact, or even dart her eyes in Jodie's general direction. Second period glazed over quickly; watching a movie does make time fly. The sheer thought of recess peeking into Jodie's mind near the end of class made her heart sink. She had to try make up with Katherine, though she was aware it would certainly not be a smooth sail. If she didn't, she would run the risk of being alone at the party. Jodie was aware that her thought process was a tad selfish, but her anxiety continually pumped this thought process through her aching mind.

Jodie was early to her and her friend's table. It only had the capacity to hold 4 pupils, however with enough finagling it was able to provide space for all 6 of Jodie's group. she scanned the area; eyes flicking about taking in her surroundings. It always did amaze her how despite the fact that her school was severely strict on uniforms, the students were all still easily identifiable and unique, not that she knew all their actual names. There was the one with long hair in a ponytail, the one with bleach blonde hair, the one who tries way to hard on her make-up and the one that without failure would wear their shorts backwards. Filing out one by one, they all exited the humid prison that was the canteen. The culmination of everyone's sweat and breath in such a small space fogged up the windows to a point where only shapes and shadows were visible from either side. Jodie drummed her fingers on the metal table, quickly losing her patience in waiting for her friends. Thankfully, it wasn't long before she flinched in response to a tap on her shoulder. After darting her head around, she recognised the face as Holly.

"Hey Jo, sorry I was late, Kat's been really upset," she apologised, effortlessly swinging her bag off one shoulder and dropping it with a thud onto the thin metal bench.

"Upset- about what?" Jodie noticed her voice had a pinch of unintended sarcasm dusted over it.

"She's been saying that she feels awful for upsetting you about something,"

"Oh.."

"What did she even say?" Holly questioned, leaning forward and resting her head on her hand as a subtle interrogation technique.

"I-it's not really a big deal.." she replied softly shaking her head.

"Jodie," said Holly raising her eyebrows, "Please?" She cocked her head to the side and smiled making Jodie giggle.

"Something happened and I asked some questions, just looking out for her, and she got really pissed off with me," Jodie shrugged.

"Well, I think she feels pretty bad about it. She's in the bathroom by our science class if you want to go and talk to her."

"Yeah, maybe I should..." Jodie thought out loud, standing up from the bench and swooping her bag strap over one of her arms, "I'll be back soon, ok?"

"No worries!" she heard Holly chime out as she made her way to the correct building.

The bathroom appeared to be empty. Jodie gently released the heavy wooden door and let it fall back into position.

"Kat?"

Katherine emerged from the farthest stall, eyes puffy and rosy. She immediately outstretched her arms and pulled Jodie into an embrace. Jodie was slightly taken a back by this. There were many mixed messages being portrayed by Katherine. First she flips out on her for no real reason, and then she floods her with apologies? Jodie hesitantly accepted the hug and didn't have a doubt in her mind about pulling back soon after.

"Jodie, I so so so sorry. Seriously I was just- tired, that's all. I promise I won't do it again, I know you were just trying to be a good friend," Katherine blubbered, using various hand gestures to further exclaim her point. Jodie found herself instinctively nodding and seemingly accepting Katherine's apology, however she had picked up on a detail of her friend's speech. Katherine had stumbled when telling Jodie she was 'just tired'. She certainly found this suspicious and her mind began racing about possible explanations.

"So we're cool?" Katherine asked with hope in her eyes. Jodie could not pluck up the courage to question her.

"Yeah, totally." she replied, following with a sweet smile. Katherine returned the gesture before moving towards the door. As she walked past her, Katherine's jacket brushed upon the back of Jodie's hand. She held back her gasp with all her might when her eyes found the white powder that was smudged across it.  Her breathing pace increased almost immediately, her heart beginning to pound like she'd just bolted through a marathon. With unsteady legs, she removed herself from the bathroom and tried her absolute hardest to hide the shock in her voice as she chatted with and followed Katherine back down to their usual seating area.

The rest of the day felt like it had a thick, heavy coat of paint dripping over it. Jodie could barely swallow, her throat and chest were so tight and dry. She knew a secret that could potentially harm herself and one of her closest friends, and her mind refused to find a positive outcome.