Democracy

song

Inside the house, we find our way to the lounge and collapse on the sofa.
"You did a good job today, Dorian." He nods, smiling a little at me. The room is in a comfortable humming quiet for a brief pause before I make a suggestion. "Why don't you sing something? You seemed really to in music."
"I don't," he pauses, sighing, "I'm not, I'm not a performer. I took a couple lessons just to," he pauses. "Fine. Fuck it, whatever." Harriet laughs and his reaction but he ignores her, digging out his phone and tapping the buttons. His phone is an old flip phone, it isn't touch screen, and obviously is broken at least a little. I nod for Saul to come over and whisper an order in his ear. He disappears out the room as Dorian is moving to the edge of the room where there is a speaker.
I recognise the sound of the piano as it comes through the speakers. I'd searched for this song, the second time I'd heard the boy going home and I've listened to it thousands of time after that night-time the boy is always singing it. But surely, surely, it's just a coincidence. Lengthy although the intro is, I still love the solemn notes as they swim among each other, having had associated them with the boy's singing- they were the lead up, the countdown, to the sounds of an angel. When the first notes begin to resonate through the room in Dorian's voice, my mouth grows dry. It's wrong. Something tints the notes, warps them. He can't be the boy who sings. But I let him continue. I let the lyrics stride through the air, coiling around my neck and stopping arubtly to be replaced with more of the sullen soldiers. Unable to fight against the noises gripping me and pushing me down, I don't move, still and purring. Dorian can't be the boy. But the words are enchanting me, the voice is enthralling me, and the sound is captivating and I realise it is him and that's the bitter tint of the noise- he can't be the boy. He just can't. My thoughts end with the song and I know he can be, he must be, and I don't want him to be. I don't want that hurt to be his.
Dorian looks at me, his eyes almost pleading for a reaction. I clear my head, realising my childishness, and I smile at him.
Harriet, recognising the idleness of my mind, starts to shower the boy with compliments and I nod along with her. Behind me, Saul chuckles as he so often does. I turn to him finding the box I had asked for. The frown I throw his way seems to go unnoticed and he, as usual, says nothing.
"We need to show you the garage," I tell Dorian, getting to my feet. Saul heads off the get the car and I follow after him, breaking the bones in my hand as I walk. The journey is a short one littered with random conversations about the current news stories- how the councils have refused to say anything more than 'we're investigating it's about the tower fires in poorer parts of the city; how everybody is protesting and how they're being ignored; and how Chuck and Harriet doubt any changes will be made.
I tune out, choosing instead to watch the buildings as we drive past. They've all got plans to be knocked down, turned into more tower blocks. Some people have suggested them being turned into woods. I'd like more woods.
Outside the garage there is a small group of people, obviously getting high. I gesture for Saul to stop, annoyed that the teens are there. Getting out of the car, I notice the bottle of vodka, they're passing round. I ask to take a sip, knowing none of them would know me. The bottle is cold, meaning they've been standing here for a while. I take a swig. Then as one of the boys puts out his arm to take the bottle back, I smash it against the lamppost beside me and stab it into the chest of the guy beside me. Swearing explodes into the air and I turn to face shocked expressions. They start to run but I stop them and turn them around.
"If you tell the police, he won't be the only one dead, and he," I jab my finger at the boy who had passed me the bottle, "won't be the only one with a broken arm." They look at me confused, his arm isn't broken. I break it. One girl screams. "Stay the fuck away from here." I say before letting them go. They run.
Climbing back into the car, I gesture for Saul to keep going and park up in the garage. We all get out of the car and I lead Dorian into the room where I'd killed Keiran. He looks amazed by the scene he just saw. He isn't scared at all.