Just Fluff and Stuff

Heaven Can Wait

Part 3 of "At the Door"...

"Harder! Come on now!" He shouted at me. I felt the sweat trickle down my forehead as I gasped for breath. I couldn't. Didn't he realise that I just couldn't? I felt my leg buckling beneath me slightly and my blood ran cold.

"I can't!" I huffed at him. He shook his head wildly.

"You can! Come on! Harder for me!" He cried. My fists tightened but I felt my leg buckle again and I slammed my hand down on the red stop button. My sweat trickled into my eyes so I couldn't see the disappointment on his face anymore as he watched my run come to an end. I stepped off the machine and watched as the belt slowed to a stop.

"I can't. I was going to fall. I felt my leg giving out." I wiped the sweat from my brow and felt my leg still wobbling beneath me precariously. I limped to a chair and sat down heavily.

"Alright. I believe you. I just don't want to see you give up." He replied as he walked over to me. I got angry at the words, looking up suddenly at his wan face and thin body.

"Why not? You have." I said harshly. He looked surprised. There was a lengthy pause as he stared me down.

"What?" He breathed. I blinked and gave him an obvious once-over with a raised brow. He looked away guiltily.

"Everyone can see it. Your mother is worried too. You can't expect us all to ignore it. If you want your patients to try, then you have to be a good example to them." I looked up at him pleadingly. He blushed and nodded slightly.

"You are right. I need to try harder too. I'm sorry. If I promise to do better, will you promise me too?" He stared me down and I smiled. I stuck out my hand and he grasped it to shake on it. I pulled myself up to stand, despite the pain, and heard a slight gasp as my sweaty body bumped him a bit.

"It's a promise then. I'll try. Sorry. I got you all sweaty." I grinned at him and watched with interest as his face lit up bright red to the tips of his ears.

"It's alright." He mumbled. I wandered over to the weights and got in a bunch of sets while my leg rested. He wandered to another patient working on a machine for her shoulder and they chatted while the woman did her exercises. I growled a little to myself at her obvious flirting. It was my own fault for coming in here to do my training and rehab.

I finished my workout for the day, exchanging glances the whole time with Aaron as he helped others to overcome their personal barriers. He looked so fragile these days. I was worried like the rest of his friends and family. Was he eating enough? Did he sleep at all? It sure didn't look like it. It looked like a strong breeze was going to blow that little angel away any day now.

I found myself thinking that I didn't want that. I wanted him to stay right where he was. Here. With me. I couldn't meet his eyes as I left today, my mind in a strange place as it was. I felt like the promise we made to each other was more than just a promise to try. It was a promise to move forward. It was a promise for the future for both of us.

When I walked into my dingy apartment a little later, I looked at the stained wallpaper in silent contemplation. Why was I still here? I might've gone home if I had half a mind. They may have been ignorant pricks back home, but they were family. I knew they would welcome me there with open arms if I asked them to. But I didn't, and I didn't want to.

I wasn't the same man who left those years back. I couldn't just close my eyes and ears to what was going on around me. I couldn't stop the dreams, the shakes, the changes in my very soul. Those were things I would carry with me all my life. I didn't want to share them with those bastards. They would call me a pussy and take it as their due that I should follow in line again.