cathect // lucas jade zumann

sept

i'm almost at 1k views omg i'm gonna pee

anyways um here's chapter 7

(edit: i was listening to only us from dear evan hansen while writing this and i literally cried why am i like this)

irl, ella's pov

it wasn't hot, rather tepid if you really need specifics. the sun was starting to set, just really something like out of those teen 2000's movies.

i think lucas suspects something is up but he's very hard to read at this moment in time.

"so, is it fun filming anne?" i said breaking the awkward silence

"i guess so, yeah. i mean i love acting and it's one of my passions but it just kinda feels like something is... missing? you know?"

"eh it was kinda like that when i was doing a run of Heathers for my school's theater department."

"wait... Heathers as in the..."

"no, it got censored and dumbed down, really such a shame if you ask me." i laughed

"which were you? a badass heather chandler or someone else?"

"i got the privilege of being on tech crew a few shows AND play veronica sawyer. believe me my hair was almost gone by the end of that week."

"fun! i assume you're in highschool? because i'm going to be very alarmed if you're not."

"yes i'm in highschool, numb nuts! i'm a junior, actually."

(a.n. a junior in highschool is 11th grade but i think it would be year 12 for any british readers)

"is that what the j stands for in your username? kinda weird." he laughed

"no, it stands for jane, my middle name."

"ella jane grey. nice name."

"thanks?" i laughed kinda confused

"hey, do you want to sit over there, under that tree?" he said trying to direct the subject

"sure, i guess."

as soon as we sat down, this thick awkward silence fell upon us.

this time it was different.

it wasn't like any other time where i had said something stupid and he was just laughing to himself, or if we both got distracted.

this time, it hurt. i could feel this awkward silence but there's no way to break it. it's like trying to breathe under water but there's no surface.

"look, you don't have to say anything, just hear me out. i know you probably don't share the same intense feelings as i do, but ella, i can't keep it in any longer. i'm in love with you. and i've felt this way for a very long time, even though, i know all of our "play flirting" was fake, and you probably have a great boyfriend off somewhere wondering where you are and how you're doing. but i, god, i love you so much, ella. i sometimes cry about how much i love you. the anne clan and i love you so much, ella. and i know i never swear but, fuck. ella, i love you."

"lucas, i, i"

"and, i've overstepped. it's fine i'll just get my things and go. it's fine."

"no, lucas. i just think it's funny how you seem to think you love me more than i love you."

"what?"

"yes, lucas, i love you. it sounds a little weird saying it out loud, but god! i love you so fucking much it's ridiculous."

"but inside?"

"inside i was just nervous and afraid i'd mess everything up, but lucas i love you. i love your cute little nose, and your floppy hair, even though you never let it grow, and i love your soft green eyes. lucas oh my god, i love you with all of my heart."

"wow, ok. um. not how i'd thought this conversation would go but how i wanted it to go?" he laughed

"yeah, there it is! surprise!"

"probably one of the best surprises i've gotten, ever."

"not to be an edgy tumblr girl but, lucas, shut up and kiss me."

"gladly." he chuckled

his lips were soft, and not abrasive. it really wasn't like any other kiss i've had. this one i meant. this one i loved.

"so, ella jane grey. will you make me the happiest boy on earth and be my girlfriend?"

"of course, lucas jade zumann."

"oh yeah, but we can't tell the anne clan."

"of course not."

i think that was the most solid dialogue i've written in a while omg

- xoxo, depression