HughTube

Chapter 7

Simon and I got everything ready by lunchtime. I joined him behind the snack bar counter, and we had over a hundred bags of day-old fries lined up before us. And each bag was complete with a HUGH-RAY FOR HUGH sticker and its own little ketchup packet.

"Super-size your vote with some free fries!" I called out to the onslaught of hungry kids. "Give a heck for Hollenbeck!"

And give a heck they did, snatching up all the fries in minutes. I narrated: "The crowd goes wild for the free fries, squirting them with Hollenbeck-brand ketchup and wolfing them down fast. No doubt they'll express their gratitude at the ballot box, pulling the lever for yours truly, Hugh Hollenbeck, the ultimate come-from-behind dark horse who always wins the race in the end."

Simon turned to me. "I wasn't too sure about this at first, but I gotta admit, it seems to be working." Then his eyes lit up. "Hey, maybe I can work this into my class report!" he said, gesturing to the kids eating the fries. "But," he pondered, "would fries still be considered a healthy vegetable if they're a day old?"

I caught Trey staring at me from across the room. In a defiant gesture, he took his bag of fries and dropped them, uneaten, into the trash.

I just sneered back. "Game on, buddy," I narrated. "If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen."

And then it started.

At first, I just thought that someone was having a coughing fit. But then some more people started coughing – but it wasn't really coughing. It was gagging. I looked around the room in growing horror. "Oh... no. One person after another is starting to get sick," I narrated. "Could the cafeteria's fish sticks be undercooked? Maybe rancid tartar sauce? No, I don't think so. It's my worst nightmare come true. All the people getting sick are eating the day-old fries with my name on them!"

URGH! GAAAG! The room erupted in retching. "I now see my political career circling the bowl along with everybody's lunch," I continued. I looked across the room and saw Tanya DeLuca laughing it up with her hangers-on. She unwrapped a piece of bubblegum and popped it into her mouth, and when she saw my ashen face, she just smiled from ear to ear. "Tanya revels in my loss and her eventual victory. Perhaps Ms. Knapp is right: Politics is a festering cesspool. And I just contributed my part to that cesspool with the half-digested remains of a hundred bags of day-old fries."

I looked over at Simon, and he was in panic mode. He quickly started cooking some fresh fries, and he called out, "Free fries! Fresh this time!" And what do you know, all his sins were forgiven as the crowd of students rushed up to get a new batch of free junk food.

But my sins weren't forgiven. No doubt I was about to receive my punishment at the ballot box.

And then I noticed Principal Townsend surveying the chaotic scene. He turned his gaze to me and shook his head. I guess my punishment would come even sooner.