HughTube

Chapter 18

That night, I sat at my desk and tried to fix my HughTube camera, but it was basically shot. I knew it would take about a week to get a new one in the mail. So I started to panic. Could I live without HughTube for a week? I'd have to live by my instincts again, and for me, that was never a good thing.

But then I realized, maybe my instincts weren't the problem. Maybe I just never learned how to trust them. Let's face it, I'd always been an analytical type of person, maybe too much so. And look where it'd gotten me. So maybe the solution wasn't to become even more analytical with HughTube; maybe I should just stop analyzing everything so much altogether. After all, if I just trusted my instincts, wouldn't I have never signed up to run for Student Council President in the first place?

I sat there and stared at my computer, the image of Molly still frozen on the screen, the same image from the end of the debate. What were my instincts telling me now? I asked myself. And could I trust them?

I looked at the clock. It was the 9:00 PM on Thursday, the time I usually uploaded my HughTube episodes for all to stream and enjoy. I was late this week. So I decided to live-stream my latest HughTube episode right then and there. Who knows, I thought, it might be my last. It was all cut together, but I needed to do the final narration. I pulled my desk microphone close and hit the live-stream button.

On the screen, my edited episode played. It was the greatest hits from my last week, scenes from my life I hoped I'd forget but knew I needed to remember. I started my narration: "Simon once asked: How come I'm the guy with the camera on all the time, but I'm always the last person to see things? I don't know. I guess that's just me."

Simon always watched my HughTube episodes right at nine, and tonight was no different. He sat in his room at his computer, happy to see that I hadn't delayed this week's broadcast. Over shots of him and me putting up campaign posters and handing out those tree-shaped things, I continued my live narration: "Everybody seemed to know that running for Student Council President was not me. I was the only one who needed to learn that the hard way."

The video cut to Simon working at the snack bar. "Some people know who they are and have no problem with it. In fact, they love it."

Simon smiled.

Jonas Werb was watching HughTube live too. The video cut to Jonas at the front of the school, lugging his huge backpack like a mule. I narrated: "Some people have a little problem with who they are but don't apologize for it anyway."

Jonas was surprised to see himself on his computer, and he smiled too.

Even Principal Townsend was watching while eating some ice cream at his kitchen table. His computer cut to the video of him prancing around Broadway-style for the camera. "And some just let it all hang out," I narrated.

Principal Townsend's eyes bugged out, and he laughed with glee. I guess now he was finally the 'star' he'd always wanted to be.

I sat at my desk and watched the next shot come up on my screen. It was of the booing crowd at the debate. I thought for a moment about what I wanted to say next.

Molly watched HughTube from her bedroom, sitting cross-legged on her bed with her computer on her hap. The video of the booing crowd made her bring her hand to her mouth as she relived that sad moment. I continued narrating: "But now I think I finally know who I am. As Molly said, I'm not the guy with all the answers. I'm the guy with all the questions."

As the video faded to black, Molly's sadness turned into a smile. And a sad tear that was in her eye turned into a tear of happiness as it rolled down her cheek.

I ended the live-stream and thought about what I had just said... and I realized that this wouldn't be my last HughTube broadcast after all. Sure, I needed to trust my instincts more, but that didn't mean I had to stop doing HughTube. After all, HughTube wasn't just for me. A lot of people got something out of my weekly video blogs. For all I knew, people all over the world were watching and learning from them, just like me.

So HughTube is part of me now. As Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." HughTube is my self-examination... a self-examination that's there for everybody in the world to see. Unashamed, I admit that I'm the guy with all the questions – and maybe, now and then, some of the answers.