Cuts (polysanders)

Chapter 3

[depression's pov]

I never realized how unhappy the mind palace was before. I guess you never really know broken something is until you watch it break. Too bad no one watched me break. My boyfriend was too late, he watched the pieces be put back together only to start cracking. He helps though, he's kinda like my glue.What I was about to do would make him mad. I'm so stupid for making promises I can't keep. Hopefully, he still love me, but maybe he shouldn't. I don't understand why he loves me now.

I got up from my sprawled out position on the floor and walked to the bathroom. I was going to visit another side today, but my mind had other plans. I open the door to my bathroom and lock it behind me. My black box is sitting atop the counter, in plain sight. I never made much of an attempt to hide as no one ever came into my room, and who would question depression cutting.

After I took off my clothes, I take a second to look at my body. I look like a horrifying monster. Sharp bones protruding in sharp angles through my thin pale skin. That said skin is covered in cuts and scars, making it look like someone took a chainsaw to my body. Cutting and starving doesn't really do wonders for the body.

Time to make some more scars. The cool, thin metal blade that I took out from the box feels so natural in my hands. Surprisingly, my forearms are the places with the least fresh cuts. Guess that's where I'm starting. You don't know me, but if you met me you would think I'm a horrible thing. Anxiety is a disorder with some purpose, the main one being self preservation. The same can't apply to depression, to me. Depression leaves you feeling empty after hours of mental torture. Always making sure your every little mistake known. 

Cutting can mean different things to different people. Not everyone does it for the same reason. For some it's a system of punishment, for others it's to be in control of something. Those are just two of the multitude of reasons. I believe I do it for all of them. 

Bring the sharp silver edge across your skin can bring an immense amount of pain, some worse and some better depending on where you do it. How you do it can affect a lot too. Going sideways or longways, it hurts differently. Personally, I prefer the crisscross. I make a set of lines, each having a meaning, and go over those lines in the opposite direction, making a crisscross.

Then comes the clean up. Dry and clean up the blood. Never use water unless you want it to bleed more. Decided whether or not you want to use bandages. I go with yes to the bandages today. I'm lucky I'm ambidextrous or else wrapping up both my arms would be hard. I guess cutting both of them would be hard, so I wouldn't need to wrap them both up but whatever. I put my clothes back on and sit on my bed, waiting for my boyfriend to come.

A lot of people will tell you mental disorders don't use logic, but I think they're wrong. There is a little bit of thought put into it. How to cut, how to keep up a personality, how to realize you need help. Maybe the thought process behind it lack logic, but thought process on how do it with it doesn't.

Gave you a little insight into depression instead of focusing on another side, hope that's okay. Feel free to point out any mistakes I made, besides the entire chapter I already know that one. What side do you think is next? Who is depression's boyfriend? Also, it's currently two am, I should sleep but I'm writing this instead. Well anyways, thanks for reading. Comment, vote, whatever.

-SoftxRacoon