Please?

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Thomas
Honestly in the last three months I have been here I have never seen him so worried. His face of apprehension as we drive to the hospital, or as he checks in. His face, in the end just becomes blank. "James," I whisper softly into the elevator, "it's gonna be okay. She'll be okay." Extending my small hand out slowly, he grasps it in his, as I trace small, calming  circles onto his palm. He sighs with tiredness considering it's about 2am, as he makes his way to the hospital room.

     Considering I've lived in one for a little over a month, not really excited to be in one, but it's for James. "You know if you're uncomfortable you can wait in the waiting room?" He asks softly, snapping me out of my thoughts. "I- I'm okay." I stutter, startled that he can tell. "Here she is." He mumbles, as we reach a hospital room.

"James?" I hear a weak, feminine voice ask. "Mom." He sighs, letting go of my hand to walk towards the hospital bed. The woman in the hospital bed however, looks exactly like James, like I get she's his mother, but still. Her hazel eyes, and black hair, showing a highly unnerving replication of James. "Mom what happened?" He mumbles, his voice cracking, heartbreakingly in the middle.

"I don't wanna talk about it, son, I wanna talk about you."

"Mom you slit your wrists, you could've died." He cries, this marking the 3rd time I've actually seen him cry, and real tears.

   "James I'm fine, real-"

   "Mom this isn't the first time I've been over this with you, you stopped taking your medications, of course you'll get worse, now we are back here as we have been for the  4th time this year. Mom I'm scared for you, I can't risk loosing you."

   That's when I leave. I just leave the room, not paying attention to James calls of "Wait Thomas!" As I walk down the hallway and into the elevator, my strides long, reaching my destination quickly. I love him don't get me wrong, but I can't do this. I feel so selfish now, remembering how I was trying to commit suicide, and here he is with his mother, who he's been dealing with her own suicide attempts.

    He cares for everybody else, but there is nobody to care for him, is there? I try my best, right? Am I really a good boyfriend? Or whatever the hell we are? Am I good enough? Doesn't he want someone good though? My phone pings as I look at the text blankly.

   James ❤️: Hey my mom kicked me out and said "look for your boyfriend I'm tired of you lecturing me" Thomas please text me back so I know you're okay

   Except I don't. I put my phone back in my pocket, walking out the hospital doors, and back to the apartment. The walk only takes me about 10 minutes, as I unlock the door to the silent apartment . I'm tired, honestly I'm flat out tired.As  I collapse onto the sofa, my eyes closed, sleep taking me quickly.

   *two hours later*

   James

   My mom yet again kicked me out, as she's being transferred in about two hours, she kicked me out. Thomas never responded to my texts or calls, so I hope he made it home, as I will find out shortly. My hand on the apartment door, I open it to see the brunette laying on the couch, no blanket, shivering slightly. I set my stuff at the door, a wrath of sympathy crawling through my veins, at the pitiful sight.

   Tiptoeing over, as not to wake him up, I pick up Thomas gently, taking the blanket with him. He sighs softly, his body molding around my touch, his fist grabbing at the fabric of my shirt. My mom isn't doing well, nor is Thomas, it's quite obvious. Yet, I take care of the both of them in hopes they do get better. I look down at Thomas, his face tinted with a slight blush. I pull back the covers before laying him down, pulling the covers up to his chin, and I just stand there.

Between him and my mother, I mean I've wanted to take my life at many points, but it is me, its understandable. My mother was not the greatest, but her husband screwed her over, yet she had me and my brother at one point. Then there is Thomas, he's kind, funny, and one of the best human beings I've ever met Why would he want to end his life? He is nothing but kind, and sweet, he has his own issue, but he has a bright life ahead of him, why take it so soon? In the three almost 4 months I've known him, it is the one thing that has always confused me.

I call off from work, as I'm tired and need a break, because I just can't handle this. I go to my room, changing out of my clothes, and into sweatpants, then going back to Thomas. "I'm sorry for leaving." He sits up, his voice hoarse from sleep. "It's okay, I understand." Laying down beside him, I'm suddenly aware of the tears running down my face, giving my tell away.

"You're mom is in the hospital, you were raped, I left you when you needed me and I failed to be here, so nothing is actually okay, nor do you have to understand, James."

     "Thomas just sto-"

   "No James. You know it's true, and I know it's true, stop acting like you are all high and mighty and that you don't get hurt, because you do, considering you're crying right now, I would assume you're really fucking hurt."

   I don't know what to do besides sit there, tears rolling down my cheeks, that I can't control. Suddenly, I'm letting out uncontrollable sobs, my body shaking, and racked with every sob. A pair of warm arms are wrapped around me gently, attempting to hold back the wrath of the world I'm facing. They don't succeed but they don't fail either, more of just the comfort that I receive from them is enough too make me happy in this moment. Cause honestly my world has crashed at my feet and there is nothing I can do about it, which makes me even more irritated at my current circumstances.

       I'm not a machine. I'm not weak either, but still.

   

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