My Unconditional Love (NAUGHTY ADDICTIONS #2)

Chapter 3

SORRY ITS SUPER LATE LOL, ENJOY!

Waking up this morning was much easier than expected, especially considering all the tossing and turning I did all night. Granted there was a lot still left to do before leaving and the likelihood of some sort of encounter was slim so my mind didn't dwell on it too much. An early start was exactly what I needed today as my productivity with the boys awake is dramatically different. Early mornings were how I got things done these days. Early morning, nap times, and bedtime if we want to get into the specifics. The main task at hand today was getting the movers to take everything and be on their way without too many tantrums and or threats from my overprotective little boys. One can imagine what sort of colourful phrases and words a child can use as an insult. I've had to apologize numerous times and the scolding I give them doesn't do much. I guess you could blame me for that, my mentality of kids will be kids is applied in questionable conditions. Without a doubt, this day will probably be one of my top ten most difficult mom days. The key was having the movers be as quiet as possible and stay away from the close vicinity of the boys' room for as long as possible. I'm being wishful though, I know these kids and as soon as the doorbell rings their little pitter pattering steps will be racing to see who could possibly be coming to see them because of course, everything revolves around those big egos. Definitely, something they did not pick up from me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the same naive girl I was just a couple years ago. Motherhood has changed me immensely. Not only have I matured, I have honestly stopped caring about someone else's opinions of me. Spills and messes are daily occurrences and if I honestly cared what I looked like in public I might have a breakdown. I do dwell on it sometimes when I catch a glimpse of my baggy shirt full of stains but it doesn't last long, within seconds my attention is reverted to more important things such as preventing broken bones or cuts from occurring due to Silas and Jasper's risk-taking adventures they are embarking on constantly. I really do believe they get a kick out of my horrified face when I turn around to see them steps away from doom, laughing away as I sprint to prevent disaster. I've learned to be on my toes and ready for action at a moments notice. I've already made a mental note of what things need to be packed before the boys wake up so that they can't create some sort of game involving heights and sharp objects. They, no doubt, will find a way to do this regardless but for peace of mind, I'm allowing myself to think my precautions are going to lead to an easy moving day. I won't be able to watch them all day today as mama's got things to do but I have a sixth sense when it comes to them getting into trouble so I'm not really that worried. It'll help that most big furniture will quickly be packed onto a moving truck so they will always be in my line of vision. To tell the truth, I'm terrified of what's going to be discovered underneath the sofa's when they're moved. Having two toddlers, anything is possible. I have never made it a priority to move the couches around often to clean underneath, partly because I'm lazy but mostly because the boys begin to think we're playing a game and throw mammoth tantrums when they see me moving them back into place. I could always clean when they're asleep but let us be real, it's not dirty if you can't see it. But now it's going to be on full display and I might literally die of embarrassment. I think the idea of someone other than your immediate family seeing a mess in your home is quite literally every mom's nightmare. I can't even count the times I've seen my mother rushing around frantically before a guest comes over and getting everybody to help clean every surface and crevice of our home. I never understood it back then but as a parent now, I'm the exact same way. There are so many things that my mom did as a kid that I now have a new found appreciation for. Mom's go through hell, that much is true. The idea of how much work I have left to do is stressing me out. My morning cup of coffee just isn't doing the trick today. Clay promised to help pack when he saw the look on my face but Clay trying to 'help' will just give me more anxiety. He's going to pack boxes the same way he packs his suitcases, shoving a bunch of random stuff to the brink and hoping that it all goes together. My OCD tendencies will make me repack and organize so I already told him that all he has to do is watch the boys. I'm not crazy stressed though, I've done a fair bit of packing. All that's really left are the things the movers are going to be taking as well as the boxes I need to fill my car up with so that we can last for the couple days or weeks after the move in which we're still settling. I can't help but be excited. I have my own home! It's not the biggest thing, but its quaint and homey and has a generous backyard for the boys to run around in. I have so many things I want to do with the house like painting it and getting new decor. I'm probably more excited than afraid. I know I can deal with whatever comes. I'm not the same girl with no backbone as I was before I left. This girl is as tough as nails. If I'm being honest with myself, I want to see them again. Not because I have forgiven them in anyway, I've moved past it, I want them to see how amazing I'm doing without them and how strong I've become. I also wouldn't mind introducing the boys to their father's that I have spoken of to them several times. They love hearing stories of all the mischief their dads got into and all the pranks they had pulled. I won't be quick to let them into the boys lives, they need to prove to me that they care enough and won't leave my little men heartbroken at a moment's notice. I can't help but wonder if they think about me. Considering the circumstances in which we parted ways, I doubt it but I can't help but selfishly imagine that they think of me from time to time. We weren't together for long but I'm sure I left a lasting impression. They sure have left one on me, my twins can attest to that. I'm wondering whether maybe I should get into contact with them. The twin's third birthday is coming up in two weeks and I think that they should be involved. I've been thinking about this for a while now, I don't think it was right for me to have not included them in the boy's first three years of life. I should have let them know I was pregnant and gone from there. At least in that way, they had a choice in if they wanted to be a part of Silas and Jasper's life. For the first couple months to almost a year I was blinded by my hurt and anger towards how things left off to such an extent that I wanted to punish them. As time went on it just became harder and harder to pick up the phone and let them know so I did the only thing that I was capable of doing, I told Silas and Jasper about their dads. I looked through old photographs and google imaged their names and explained to the boys what the significance of the people I was showing them were. Obviously, they're too young to understand the whole gist of it but I think they've somehow realized that those images and subsequently those people hold some level of importance in their lives. However, I'm not quite sure how I'm going to go about doing this. I think it would be odd for me to just show up and announce that they have kids, plus I don't even know where I would go. Do they live together, are they still in the same house, do they still live in this country? For now, my best bet would be to focus on moving in and settling and once that's done I can think of a way to get into contact with them. This is a bit embarrassing but I'm pretty sure that I still have their numbers, or old numbers, inside my phone contacts. I thought of doing the whole ritual cleansing thing that people do when they break up with someone which includes removing any existence of that other person, or persons, from their phone. I obviously couldn't erase and pictures because I needed to show the boys but for some reason every time I would go to erase their numbers, something inside of me would cause hesitation and I would always end up aborting mission. I'd like to believe that it's just so that I have their contact in case something, god forbid, came up with the boys but I have a feeling that there's another reason. I would never ever admit it but I guess there's a small, microscopic part of me that still holds hope. The naive girl in me is still dreaming of white picket fences, family movie nights, and Sunday barbeques. Most of me knows better though, I don't get my hopes up and besides I have a great life. I got a roof under my head and love in my life, there's not much else a girl can ask for. Sure I don't have crazy luxuries and I can't afford to be going shopping weekly, but I have enough to sustain myself and provide comfort for my kids. I'm not one of those people who dream of big houses, fancy cars, and expensive vacations. It would be cool to experience that but I'm just as content with the life I have right now. If I were to mention one downfall, I'd say it would be my lack of a sex life. With working and taking care of the boys, I don't have much time left over and I usually like to relax whenever I can. Clay's been hassling me about it for a while, mentioning things like sex is necessary and the need for it is natural. We don't usually continue the conversation because this is about the part where I up and leave before dying of embarrassment. I know that there is some sense in what Clay is saying and honestly I am going a bit stir crazy having been abstinent for almost two years. After moving in with Clay and giving birth, when the boys were around a year old Clay convinced me that I needed to get out more. Forcefully, I listened and met a nice guy but things just didn't work out. He was a great person and was incredibly funny, I just didn't have enough space in my life to give him the attention and affection he deserved so I broke it off a couple months into the relationship. Plus the sex was pretty lame but I don't really blame him, my tastes are a bit different than what he could provide. I guess you could say that he just didn't meet the expectations left. It's been a minute since I've had sex but that doesn't mean I haven't done other things. A girls got needs that can be fulfilled in other ways. A trusty dildo, for example, does a great job and has a permanent spot in my nightstand. Now's not the time to think about this, there are still many things to get done starting with the kitchen. I think that's the one place in this house that has the most work left to be done. Obviously we won't be taking many things because Clay will still be here but the boys stuff and select items need to be packet. Clay told me that he doesn't care if I take everything because he doesn't really cook but I told him I wasn't going to because, for one, he bought most of the stuff, but mostly because I'm weirdly excited about shopping for kitchen accessories. I have been saving up for this since the boys have been born, knowing that eventually we would be moving into our own place. The circumstances I had imagined were much different but that's a minor detail. Getting the kitchen packed is taking a lot longer than I imagined and I'm making a lot more noise than I would like. The movers said they'd be here around 10:00 am and its 9:30 right now. I'm letting the boys sleep in for obvious reasons but I don't know how much longer they're going to sleep. These kitchen boxes need to be packed into the moving truck before Jasper gets his hands on some pots and pans. Silas doesn't care as much for kitchen things, finding more amusement in creating is own noise by yelling or throwing things over. However, my musician boy Jasper has an obession with this old yellow sauce pan and gets so much joy in smacking the lid on and off, effectively creating his own symphony of sorts. That sauce pan is definitely going into the box. The noise gets old but the smile on Jasper's face is priceless. Jasper's laughing doesn't take too long to catch the attention of Silas and before long he's coming over to see what's so funny and there is when the big show begins. Jasper on the drums, Silas on a make shift piano using wooden spoons, and of course mama and Clay with the dancing and singing. I'm going to miss it, Clay is a major part of our family and I know it'll take some time to get use to not having him around to brighten up a room. I hope the boys have a close relationship with their dads like they do with Clay. It also won't be bad to have people around the boys who enjoy playing sports outside. Clay and I try our best but the outdoor life just isn't for us. We much prefer the shaded outdoor patio with nets to prevent bugs and a glass of lemonade at hand. Adventure and a love of outdoor's are things they defenitely didn't get from me. Soon though, they'll have people of like mind and hopefully those people are kind and encouraging. Let's be honest, they don't have much of a choice because mama bear will always be watching.

It's filler, sorry! I'm trying to pace this story a bit and by a bit, I mean a lot slower than book 1.

Next Update: 05/18/18