You Saved Me

Chapter 5: If Happiness Did Exist

Chapter 5: If Happiness Did Exist

“Pass the chicken please?” I looked at Caiden.  He shoved more green beans into his mouth. Did he not hear me? I kicked him under the table. He spit his food out across the table.

I saw a large amount of green land on the table. EW CAIDEN, REALLY.

“OW!” His eyebrows scrunched together. “What was that for?” He squinted his eyes at me.

I looked at him innocently. “What? Can you pass the chicken?” I smiled sweetly.

“Yeah. Sure.” He passed me the chicken finally.

After we finished eating, I helped clear off the table. “That was delicious Mrs. Callagher!”

She gave me a huge smile. “Aw why thank you, hun! Feel free to come over for dinner anytime you want!” with that she gave as short nod, still smiling and walked off to the kitchen. She was so friendly, I can so see her being my mother-in-law. WHAT. DID I JUST SAY THAT? I shook that thought away quickly and walked over to Caiden.

He looked like he was trying to figure out how to fold the table cloth. He looked genuinely confused.

I chuckled to myself. “Need help there?” I nodded down to the cloth he was trying to fold.

“No I so got this. Obviously. All you need to do is just put this corner over here to meet this side and uh…then you…just…” He looked at me and blushed.  I raised my eyebrows at him.

“You know my leg is still throbbing.” He narrowed his eyes at me clicking his tongue. Wow. Way to change the subject!

“Hmm why is that?” I tilted my head cutely waiting for a response.

He shook his head and ran after me. I shrieked “NOOOOOOOO!! You’ll never catch up to me!” I was laughing so hard running out his door. He caught up to me and knocked me down and suddenly he was on top of me.

“Damn you are fast.” I said looking up to meet his inviting eyes. They are perfect.

He just smiled and winked at me. “Nah, you’re just too slow!”

“HEY! Don’t you make fun of my nonexistent speed!” I whined. I pushed him off me until he rolled off and crossed my arms. “Hmph.” I sighed.

He raised his eyebrows at me, as if challenging me not to laugh. I looked around desperately trying to look for something to distract me needs to laugh.

I wish I had Emma’s super straight face powers at the moment. But, no I failed. I burst out laughing.

“N-no f-f-f-air!” I managed to get out between laughs.

He just laughed with me.  Then it hit me. I don’t deserve to be laughing. I shouldn’t laugh. This isn’t right, I don’t deserve this happiness.

“I’ve got to go Caiden.” I got up and didn’t look back. I just kept walking straight to my house. I heard him calling my name, but I just ignored it. I ran up into my room and locked the door. I went into my bathroom that’s connected to my room. I took a deep breath and stared back at my reflection. I felt a tear slip down my face. Ofcourse.

A shower. That’s what I could use right now. Maybe I can wash the guilt off of me. I undressed and jumped in.

I started to think of Caiden as I shampooed my hair. Today was really fun now that I think about it. Too fun, though. Isn’t it wrong to have fun already? Isn’t it too sudden?

He is just so dreamy and his smile is perfect. Much better than Josh. I still can’t believe him. I still have cuts and bruises from him. I thought he loved me. Another tear dropped down my cheeks, not that I’m surprised.

I want to be in control. I should decide how I get hurt or who gets hurt. For example, Dallon. I wish could have switched the whole thing around and made it so I died and he’d live.

That would have been much better. I started to shave my legs.

Hey, I can control me being hairless on my legs! That’s a start. I want more, though. I want to be the one in pain. I deserve it.

I looked down at the razor I have in my hand. Should I? Will it relieve me?  

“Yes.” The voice in the back of head said.

I will have control finally…this is for you Josh…

How do I even do this? I looked down at my wrist and skid it across. I was expecting pain. I feel nothing? I looked down and only saw that my wrist is now hairless. Damn.

I threw the razor down and smashed it until it broke open. I pulled out a blade.

My hand was shaking.

“It will be better now, Arie.” I told myself over and over again.

“I have control.” I whispered

I held the blade to my wrist and sliced my skin open just a bit when I heard a bang on the bathroom door.

“Hurry it up in there, Arianna!” My mom yelled.

Damn It! I turned the water off and grabbed a towel to dry myself off. I tossed the blade in the garbage.

I looked at the slightly deep cut in my wrist. I was so close to getting it bigger too. I should have received more pain just like Dallon had to experience.

I don’t need anyone to save me.

I don’t need some romance where my Prince Charming will heal me and love me and nourish me forever.

Because, you know what?

I don’t even want to be saved.

(A/N) Finally, this chapter is up. I’ve been so caught up in school that I totally forgot about this. Okay small lie, I kept thinking “oh I have to think of another chapter” but then I wasn’t sure if I should even continue. But today I was thinking how I missed writing so much, so here it is! YAY. :D tell me what you think! :D