You Saved Me

Chapter 1: Staying Strong

Chapter 1: Staying Strong

How do I feel? Well, let’s just say I feel numb. I take a few robotic steps until I get to my mirror. What do I see? I see some kind of ignorant girl with big green eyes looking guiltily back at her reflection. She’s wearing a black skirt, a black blouse, and a black sweater. All because of her stupid acts in car ride. He was right. And it was my entire fault.

I take a deep breath and walk downstairs. I see everyone dressed in black, coming here to pay their respects. They all stop what they’re doing to look at me. Their eyes read nothing but pity. I don’t need their pity. I know what happened. They weren’t even there. I go into the living room to find my mom completely lost in a picture of my brother hanging up. I watch her mascara run down her face. I felt as if someone ripped out my heart. I couldn’t stand to watch this anymore. I ran out of the room and into the kitchen. I couldn’t watch the pain I caused my mom. I heard some sort of noise as if someone was gasping for air. I whipped my body around and I saw my dad’s head buried in his arms hysterically crying. Oh no. No. No. No. I’ve never seen my dad cry like this before. I guess what happened finally hit him. It didn’t really happen to me yet. I just feel lost. I walk over to my dad.

“Dad? Company is here. I uh…just wanted to let you know..” He didn’t respond. Wow I’m stupid. He doesn’t want to talk to me. “Dad we’ll get through this together. I promise.” He still didn’t look up at me. I just saw him nod. I kissed the top of his head and walked back to the front of my house. Some lady with overwhelming perfume walked over to me. She had an overly large black sun hat on. Where the hell does she see sun? Or light. Especially in this situation.

“Oh hello sweet heart! How are you coping? Sorry about the terrible news.” She planted a huge kiss on my cheek. Great. There is probably cheap red lipstick on my face. And how does she think I feel? Dandy? I wanted to say “I don’t know. I’m still numb.” I decided just to shrug and pretend to wave to someone else and I excused myself. I try to look for Emma. The only person I want to talk to right now. I see her sadly smiling at my mom. She sort of had a thing going on with my brother. It was nothing big, just a few dates, but I clearly saw how crazy they were about each other. I sighed and ran over to her with the biggest hug.

I pulled back to look at her. Her eyes were clearly sad. No pity, just sad, and I was grateful. “Hey Arie. I missed you”

I give her a smile that was clearly not reaching my eyes.

“I missed you too, girl. How are you?”

She looked down and fiddled with her hands with a frown. “I’m trying to cope with this whole thing. I almost lost you.” A tear escaped her eye.

“But you didn’t. I’m here.” Barely.

******

I took a really long shower. Just thinking about everything. I grabbed a towel and wrapped myself. I was making my way to my room and I quickly got changed. It was so quiet around here now. Making my way over to my bed, I tripped over a hand weight and fell to the ground.

“Oof!” Under my bed, I see a picture frame of my brother and I that was taken that summer of us in the pool. I was on his shoulders giving him bunny ears. I remember when he gave me this for my birthday. The frame says “Number 1 Sister” He was always so cheesy. But I loved it. That’s when it really hit me. I throw the weight at the door and I start hysterically crying. I go around my room finding things for me to throw.

“DALLON!! Dallon! I’m so sorry, Dallon! I love you so much! I…I don’t know if you can hear me. Please forgive me. I miss you. I…I don’t know who I am anymore” My voice wavered and I started breaking down again. I recompose myself. Well, I try to.