Ever After |all human| COMPLETED

Chapter 26

Edwards POV ;

With Bella out of the hospital I didn't have any excuses left to avoid the inevitable. Obviously Bella was not just an excuse. She has been keeping me safe from the impossible decision I had to make about Tanya. She is my haven.

Why is this decision so impossible? Well, it wouldn't be if I was free to make my own choices without fear of the consequences from my parents. Every fiber of my being screamed 'no, please don't make me do this.' I wasn't ashamed of being terrified to face her again. I didn't feel emasculated for having this fear in my gut every time I thought her name.

No. Why would I? Even if I hadn't already met Bella, even if I didn't already have her as a reason to keep living that night that my life went to utter hell, I always dreamt of growing up, graduating highschool, going to college, becoming a lawyer, settling down with a beautiful wife, and have some kids. Two, to be precise. A boy and a girl. The boy would be born first so his sister would always have a protector. A bestfriend.

I know you can't plan these things, and life has a funny way of giving you what you need, and things you never knew you wanted, so I didn't expect my life to pan out exactly how I have it drawn.

However, my grades are amazing, and I already have my beautiful girl, so who knows? Maybe in this case life has in store exactly what I always wanted.

But Tanya almost took that away from me. I got a bad taste in my mouth as I thought about it. Had Carlisle not yelled to me to wake me up, Tanya would have gotten what she wanted. I would be dead. Bella would have logged online one day to speak to me, and I would just not come back, and she would never know why.

She would never know me, nor I her. I wouldn't have had the chance to hold her hand, to look into her brown eyes, to play with her hair as she sits next to me, humming in appreciation, or to just lay my head on her chest and hear the beating of her heart.

I wouldn't have gotten the chance to truly fall in love. To live my life. To have my career and family, and yet they expect me to apologize?

I quickly swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat as the waitress put my chocolate milkshake in front of me. It was midnight, and I was sitting in the only 24 hour diner in town, by myself.

"Thank you," I said to her before she walked away, leaving me in silence again.

I took a long sip through the straw before slumping back in my seat and drumming my fingers soundlessly against the table. I paused for a beat before moving my milkshake out of the way, and reaching into my bag, hauling out my computer.

I do not fear Tanya, I simply fear what I almost lost because of her. I need her to know that.

I logged onto my computer and opened a word doc, and then I simply stared at the blank screen. Writers block. Thats what I had.

I just need to write it down, perhaps that will help with this decision.

Tanya,

I started off, for a moment I felt like I knew exactly what to say, in what order to put my words to make her understand what she had done to me, but I lost it, as soon as her name was in print in front of me. I thought about it for another moment before continuing.

I have so much I need to say, but it truly is the worst internal struggle to decide wether or not you deserve to hear it, so I'm writing this... and we will see. The night you tried to took my life was devastating. Everyone said you failed, but in a way you didn't. It was because of you and your wrecklessly stupid actions that my life turned upside down. I couldnt walk out the door, there was always flashing and questions, my friends, God... they tried to be there but it was so much, you took them from me to, you made my life into such a hell that no one would dare come to close out of fear they would burn with me. I was miserable. I was alone. I had but one person and she didn't even know who I was. The reason you snapped and tried to kill me. How could I tell her? You made me so ashamed of my life, long before the night I woke up to you dangling a steak knife over my chest. With that being said, I do owe you, because you changed my life. By taking away everything I had you pushed me into the arms of a woman who gave me every reason to live. She is everything you're not, she gives me everything you never could. You were the devil set to destroy me, and she is the angel who is putting back everything you ripped to pieces simply because your drugs were more important than your childhood bestfriend. We could have been so much better than this. We could still be friends, but you took yourself away from me to. I miss the Tanya that would spend hours watching movies and pigging out, who spoke to me like a human, someone she respected rather than the girl who used me. You needed an anchor, and that was me. I was the only thing holding you to your old life, you held onto me because you didnt think you could screw up that much with me holding you back. But I was, and am, a kid, and that was too much. You hurt me so bad, you messed me up seemingly beyond repair and yet as I write this, I realize I hold no grudges against you. I know you couldn't have chosen this. The girl I loved is not the same girl who ruined me - you are not the same.