Soldier

Chapter 8

I run my hand through my hair trying to keep myself awake. I was sane but I couldn't think straight. It's 3:55am. I haven't gotten any rest nor sleep. The freeway is empty and the city lights are the only ones shining through the early morning. My eyes get heavier and heavier as the clock ticks. I don't know exactly where I'm headed. To be honest, I have no plans today. Not even gather infomation about Curtis. I'm not saying that I'm giving up. I just need a break to internalize with myself. I need a moment to think this through. To think about what I've been doing for the past days. I need to think thoroughly on how I've been dealing with myself and how I've been as a person.

A huge green sign fixes on my gaze as I read the big bold letters "Oceanside". I swerved the car towards the right deciding to head towards the exit. I haven't been to Oceanside and I figured that if I managed to let myself out from this vehicle, I would be able to reflect on myself better. I need a serene place to think about myself and this situation through. It's about time that I have to spare time for myself physically, mentally, and emotionally.

As I go straight through the driveway, I spot many stores and small restaurants along the way but they were still closed. I could barely find a 24 hour store or fast food chain that was open. I was feeling weaker and weaker. I felt like I had no energy to drive any longer. I haven't managed to put any food on my body. Not even sugar that would make me get through the hunger for another hour or two. I start to feel pity on myself. 'What a poor woman who probably lost the love of her life and has no money to feed herself.' Was probably what a person would think of me right now.

I hover and stop the car on the side of the street placing my palms on my forehead. I massage it a bit so the headache could stop. Little by little, different parts of my body is getting weaker and affected by my lack of sleep and food. I shouldn't be doing this to myself honestly. I'm not doing this on purpose. I just feel like I have so many things to attend to but I can't manage to do it immediately. I just realized that I wasn't paying attention to myself, which all this time was the one that's affected by so many aspects. I feel like I'm losing my sanity towards myself. I'm loosing the need to take care of my body, my health specifically.

I drive for a couple more hours, bearing the pain that was taking over my body. I finally spot a 24 hour store which sold food chains. I park the vehicle, not caring whether it was parked properly. I immediately hop out of the car letting my bag drape on my weak shoulders. I push the doors open causing me to try and keep my body steady after giving effort on pushing it open. I head my way towards the counter, squinting my eyes to read the menu board placed on the wall. Most of them weren't what I felt like buying so I pick my choice and stick to a two pound cheese burger. It cost about $3.56 which was a good price for a two pound burger.

I pay the boy in the counter and take a seat towards the back of the store. All the chairs were empty. I was the only one in the store. I was considering that maybe I can eat inside the car. I take a glance on the boy in charge of the counter. He was reading an Archie comic with a smirk plastered on his face. He giggled every few seconds then returned to his smirk. I walk along the aisle and head my way out of the store. I take a seat inside the vehicle, placing my bottle of water beside the chair I was sat on. In about 15 minutes, I basically inhaled the two pound burger which I didn't expect to be bigger than what I expected it to look like.

I relax myself on my seat, taking a break before I hit the road again during this long day ahead. I decide to take a nap for seven hours just so I can gain energy on my body.
At around 10:45am, I decided to hit the road and tour myself around Oceanside. This time, more people filled the streets. More stores opened and in an hour the whole town was busy. I see different people taking on their errands for the day or maybe catching a bus to a destination.

As the day passes, I arrive where my father's vehicle takes me. To the beach. My favorite place in the world. It was where Curtis and I would spend our days together. Where we could enjoy each other's company, talk about our plans together. It's always been a special place for me. The way the ocean blue water crashed into the shore and how peaceful it still remains. The sun setting as the day ends. The sounds of the waves. Curtis' laugh as we swim together in the ocean. The way he carries me effortlessly on his arms. The sensation I feel when our lips come into contact with one another. I feel like for a moment time stops and I feel all these undescribable emotions reign over me. This spark between the both of us.

Even the way he touches my hand so delicately makes me feel like every second and every minute is so important for me. I don't want to miss any of it.

I walk in the sand with my bear feet, feeling the hot warm sand comfort me. The wind blows my hair to my side. There were a few people on the beach. I finally spot a place to settle on where I could stay for the rest of the afternoon. As I was deep in my thoughts and internalizing about myself, I fix my gaze upon a man with broad shoulders. He was wearing a gray shirt and shorts. There was something with the way he was acting that made me remind him of Curtis. I stand up from my spot and walk towards his direction.

My feet bring me closer and closer to the man ahead of me. And in that moment, we lock eyes with one another. The eyes that brought me home, that gave me light, hope and happiness. The eyes of the love of my life.

"Curtis?" I say with a loud voice, as tears streamed down my face.