Soldier

Chapter 10

I hunch over as my father's vehicle halts into a stop. I take a deep breath, exhaling it after. I'm exhausted externally and internally. I feel relieved that I'm finally back in Santa Barbara. I grasp the handle of my bag losely on my weak hands as I open the door of the car. I slam it shut, not paying much attention whether the vehicle was locked properly. I walk towards the porch of our house, taking light steps on the stairs of the porch. The light in the porch was dimmed off. It was
4am in the morning and my mind couldn't process properly.

I open the door gently, stepping inside the house I was raised in for 17 years. I take in its usual scent, feeling at ease. I drop the keys on the table heading towards the kitchen. I pour myself a glass of water. I felt unnaturally calm. It was the calmness that makes you not care less about anything, the type of calmness that means you don't give a crap about things that may matter or don't.
I drag my feet towards the living room, plopping my body on the soft cream colored sofa. I hover to the side facing the direction towards the television. I wasn't in the mood on watching something entertaining or anything of that sort.

I am exhausted but every time I close my eyes and try to drift off to sleep, I see Curtis' face. His smile that's enough to light me up and make my day. I see his eyes that speak as if he doesn't need any words to communicate because he can communicate with them. I couldn't manage to bring myself to sleep. I miss him so much. So much to the point that I hate myself for letting him go. But I had to respect his decision. I guess from now on, I have to learn not to think much about him.

His expression flashes back in my mind, the expression he wore because he didn't know me. His eyes that were filled with confusion. Fear because of me. His eyes that was empty, no connection at all. The moment I looked into his eyes during that time, I felt so distant as if I couldn't find my way back home. It pained me so much because that was the first time I felt distant from Curtis. He was always my home. Always.

I gently rub my eyes, preventing them from shedding more tears and remembering memories from the previous day. It was completely silent and darkness filled the entire house. I relax myself on the sofa, trying to keep my mind from thinking too much. I feel beads of sweat trickle down my forehead. I feel the warmth of the heat. I hover and face away from the television, thinking maybe if I changed my position, the heat I was feeling would lessen. It did but only for a few minutes.

As my eyes feel heavy and my eyelids settle down, I feel my body shake gently. I flickered my eyes open hearing a muffled voice coming from my right side. I face towards that direction, carefully opening my eyes as I see a pair of grey blue eyes gaze on mine. My sister sits at the edge of the sofa. I pick myself up, giving my attention to her. I feel the warmth of her body come into contact with mine as she engulfs me in a warm hug. I place my frail hands on her back, trying to hug her tight even if I couldn't due to this state I was in.

She lets go of me as I settle my hands on my lap. I look into her eyes quite blankly, waiting for her to speak.

"I missed you so much, Kate." She stretches her hand to hold mine. I smile lightly, managing to stay sober for a couple more minutes for my sister's sake. I know she would ask me plenty of questions.

"I missed you too, Angela. All of you actually." I give her a smile. My voice sounded weak and it's tone was different than usual. I gulp hard, feeling my throat and lips dry but I neglected that fact that it was.

"Did you just arrive?" She asked astonishingly, her eyes lighting up with excitement.

"I just arrived a few minutes ago." I giggle softly at her reaction. She gives me a look of confusion as if she was looking for something. As if she was looking for someone.

"Katy, are you okay? Where's Curtis?"

"Angela, I'm... I'm not okay." I pause as I look into her eyes.

"Curtis is fine, Ang. He's safe. I-I umm... But Angela, he doesn't remember me. He doesn't know me and he will never be able to. We decided to go our separate ways. He wasn't ready to be with me once again. He couldn't bring himself to do it. It was just too much. Too much for him to take in." I finish.

Angela's eyes glistened with tears. I look into them telling her I was going to be able to get through this. I know full well she's completely worried about me. To be honest, I'm worried about myself too.

My sister gives me advice and tells me that she's going to be with me every step of the way. I was relieved to have her with me. Most specially my family. I know this won't be easy to get through. Not when somehow, you have to force yourself to move on from the love your life. It's heart breaking and depressing knowing that you won't be able to experience what you once had before with someone who owns a special place in your heart.

Curtis is just too important to easily forget. It's not easy to undo him. I can't bring myself to not love him anymore. I still love him, because without him I wouldn't be the person I am now. We learned to love each other deeply.

I lay underneath the soft sheets of my bed as my eyes are slightly open. I'm still sober enough to think about these things. It's a new beginning. A new chapter in my life. I'm going to pursue my dreams of becoming a singer. I want to be able to share to other people the God given talent I possess. I want others to know that I can relate to them personally through the problems they face.
I want them to know that I'm here and we experience the same experiences in my life.

Maybe someday when I make it big, Curtis might know the message I meant to bring to the world. He's my inspiration and I will always take it with me wherever I go. He will always remain in my heart. He will always be my soldier.

Hey guys!

Sorry for the late update and short chapter! I have school now and it's harder to find time to write. But even tho, I'm still going to update but not as early as you would expect. Sorry for the short chapter, I hope you liked it. :) If you have any comments just comment or message me for feedbacks! I'll be open to them :) Thank you so much again!